According to a recent report I made up in my head, for every day that passes, I am one day closer to being removed from this mortal coil we call life. According to the same report it is the same for everybody; including you. Scary isn’t it!

Although, for some of us it comes sooner then others. It has been like this since day 1. We have absolutely no control over it.

Or DO we?

For instance, I will give you a few observations showing how easily this ratio can be changed for the better. It involves getting rid of stupid people. I don’t mean kill them, but at least put them on an island somewhere and let them deal with themselves and leave us “normal” people alone.

The BBC News scroller tells me “Man who escaped from prison van says it was a big mistake”. Gee. You really think so genius? Because generally escaping is seen as a good thing and leads to a reduction in your sentence should they catch you.

I saw a very bad excuse for a human being in a car with wings (although it may have been an incredibly stupid looking spoiler which was bigger then the car) driving like a complete idiot. On pulling out on someone who was doing 50mph (it was a 60 limit) and almost writing them off, leading to the universal sign language of “any particular reason you did that old chap?” to engage between them before he speeds off. Not even a mile later, someone pulls out and cuts him up. He is livid. Tailing right behind the car that cut him up, he is flashing and swearing at the guy. It seems irony is lost on stupid people.

The following day I observed a slim petite woman “jogging”. Well, when I say jogging, I walked past her. We were going in the same direction. But hey, why run fast when it means you will sweat and ruin the £1500 worth of clothes you bought for the “workout”. She was more concerned with vanity then anything else (judging by the fact she had done her makeup and hair). I want to say she jogged, but the word gives off an illusion of movement, which is something she wasn’t doing. So she “existed” past some workmen.

One guy practically fell off of his ladder gawping so hard. It was very much a scene from the exorcist. His head turned right round. He was on a ladder holding some bricks. Had he fallen, the guy holding the ladder would have been toast. Not sure who to send to the island on this one. Miss Vanity because geeeeezzz…or the Builder dude ready to top his workmate with a ton of bricks.

But what if we are not subjected to trying to survive another day without some jackass in a car who shouldn’t have a licence driving me off of the road, or someone not dropping bricks on my head.

Well, you are left with the likes of those who hate their job and moan about it all day and yet never leave. Or those that park in 2 spaces because either they don’t know how to park or think their car is too important to be in just 1 space. Or the parents who let their kids run riot not thinking other people in the restaurant just might not like your kid eating off of their plate and crawling under your table.

Ah screw it. We are gonna need a bigger island.

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