As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut. There is nothing too unusual about this! The heavens are a huge mystery which we won’t learn much more about in my lifetime. Therefore, every valentines day, I would send valentines cards to all the women that had been in space hoping to find someone I could share my love with.

Luckily, the local newspapers actually show you a list. So many women every week of varying ages, that I spent a fortune on cards once a year hoping this was the way to find the woman of my dreams. So with eager, I would turn to page 38 and look at my favourite weekly list.

Announcments: Obituaries.

See, I always thought it was announcements of people who had just been to space. I thought it meant “ORbituaries” and was a spelling mistake or something. I blame the government for my schooling errors and the lady at the post office for never actually telling me what I was doing wrong.

So every year I would get letters back saying how rude I am or how I have no shame from people other to who I sent the card to. Others just wouldnt reply back at all. I spent years not knowing how to speak to women due to my abject failure with the cards and thinking I was a social outcast destined to spend my life alone.

My advice to you. If you are planning on a special gift for a “valentine” this year, do yourself a favour:

Check their pulse first. There are 2 heavens. You don’t want to send a card to the wrong one.

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