This post has been written to show the other side of a story. Tamera wrote a post about a photo she was trying to take of an amphibian which was not interested in having it’s photo taken. I recommend reading that before you read the below or this will mean nothing at all. This post is seen through the eyes of the amphibian:
It is with great pleasure that I have an internationally famous TV star to interview in this post. He is Peter the Amphibian. He was in many many shows such as “Natural Earth: Mother nature is going to bite you on the ass.”, “Amphibian Planet: Come a little closer. I won’t bite. Hard.” and the lesser known “Amphibians: A Freaks story” amongst many others. Peter is a dear friend of mine and has asked me to do this interview regarding some problems he had on a recent holiday with a crazed fan.
Sy: Peter. Great to see you again. How are you?
P: Hi. Thank you Sy. It is a pleasure to be here with you, and for the hospitality that you and your wife have shown me. I didn’t eat your cat either. She went outside to play, so if she doesn’t come back, I don’t know where she is. *burp*
Sy: No problem my friend. Now. Lets talk about a holiday (or vacation for our American readers) you took recently. What was supposed to be a quiet break ended up in you being stalked by some mad nutter with a camera?
P: Indeed. Let me tell you the story. I went on a holiday to Houston, Texas. A nice little retreat of a big lake and not too much in the way of people there. Somewhere I could wind down after intense shooting of a TV show I am working on called “Gator Bater: Snap to it”. Anyway, I was there enjoying a nice swim and out of the corner of my eye, I see a woman staring at me through a window of one of the nearby houses. She starts pointing and saying something. I couldn’t really tell as my lip reading is not that good, but it looked like complete gibberish. Hell, it could have been Norwegian for all I know.
Anyway, she looked like she had left, so I carried on swimming, but then just a short while later, there she is again. This time she is outside armed with a camera. Do people just not realise I am here for a swim and nothing else? So I decide to basically play dead. I sunk further below the water and watched her. Giving her the “Yeah I see ya. Move on. Nothing to see here” look. But she blatantly stayed there for ages before disappearing.
Sy: It sounds harrowing when all you want is a break away from the fans!
P: Oh for sure. Well, get this. I finally get back to the summer house I am renting, and there on the porch…a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. And then next to it is this note.
Sy: What did the note say?
P: It said *gets note out of pocket* “I made you some special cookies and I milked the duck myself. Enjoy”.
Sy: She milked a duck?
P: *laughing* I KNOW!! At least she told me. And I don’t even want to know what the “chocolate chips” were in the cookies. But I noticed a rabbit cage in the garden where she was looking through the window. But get this. While I am reading the note, she jumps out of a bush and takes a photo!
Sy: No way! She was hiding in the bush?
P: Sy, I am not making this up. She stalked me. Are there not enough pictures of me on Google already? Why do people invade my privacy like this!
Sy: So what did you do?
P: I confronted her. I asked what she was doing. She said “I feel there could be a connection with you and I”
Sy: *Interrupting* Ohhh, don’t even finish that line. I see where you are going.
P: Yip. Oh, and get this. She wrote a blog post about my visit there! I am never going back there again! There was even a newspaper the following morning with a really cheesy headline on it! Honestly, I refuse to set foot there again.
Sy: I don’t blame you buddy. Listen. Thanks for your time today. And thanks for sharing your story with my readers.
P: It’s all good big guy. Glad I could be here. Wanna grab a beer? *coughs up a hairball*
Peter can be seen on the Discovery channel every Sunday at 8pm in “Phibby’s world: Scaling new heights”, a show where you can see him trekking along the Southeastern States. I have not found my cat yet.
© 2008, Sy. All rights reserved.
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19 responses so far ↓
1 Rose
// Mar 16, 2008 at 5:04 am
My goodness I think he ate your cat.
2 Tamera
// Mar 16, 2008 at 5:14 am
He’s lying I tell ya! You’d trust a nutter that ate your poor cat?
3 Tamera
// Mar 16, 2008 at 5:18 am
It’s not how it happened at all.
4 Jim - Just a Guy
// Mar 16, 2008 at 6:02 am
I absolutely love this and it could probably explain every difficult to photo animal ever.
5 FLOOG
// Mar 16, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Brilliant.
Just wondering how many of those ‘blue’ tablets you are on a day Sy? Might need to up the dosage.
6 Anca
// Mar 16, 2008 at 1:11 pm
You are just great! I come home tired and hungry, AND sleepy, not to mention, I read this and instantly start giggling. You made my day. Thank you.
7 Sy
// Mar 16, 2008 at 4:33 pm
@Rose – Nooo…I am sure she is just out playing still. She has quite the social life. He wouldn’t have eaten her….would he?!?!
@Tamera – Oohh do not go blaming Peter. I think we both know how it happened. Just because I haven’t found the cat, don’t use him as a scapegoat. Maybe you were trying to take photos of her too…hmmm…Tamera, do you have a confession to make?
@Jim – Hey, it is possible fella! Now we actually know a membe of the paparazzi, we have to talk to her and find out what makes them tick and hope we can make animals all over the world safer in their holidays.
Floog – I can’t lie. The blue ones make me all fuzzy, so I never know how many I had. But I do know there was a box of 60 the other day with a note on saying 1 a day – do not exceed dosage, and the next thing I know, I am getting a repeat prescription.
@Anca – Tired, Hungry AND sleepy? That is almost my worst nightmare. Add in “Wearing a gingham dress” to the equation, and I am in a living hell! Glad to be of some assistance!
Ahhh…well, I quite enjoyed that story. The interview idea is a good one I think. So yeah, send over story ideas or someone to be interviewed and I will see what I can do! And it just goes to show a man can work while half asleep…as I was when I wrote this one!
8 Sy
// Mar 16, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Oh, and thanks so much for all your kind words. That is the kind of thing that makes me want to carry on! But honestly, do tell me if I am getting rubbish or repeating the same stuff…
9 Tamera
// Mar 16, 2008 at 7:20 pm
It is all utter poo. It is the fault of the greedy journalist. yeah, we all know who that is……..just sayin’
10 Onedia
// Mar 16, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Sy, your are loonier than 3 old ladies on moonshine.
11 Sy
// Mar 16, 2008 at 9:13 pm
@Tamera – I never earned a penny from the interview! As you can read, he is a good friend and asked me to get this issue out in the open to show what people do when he just wants a quiet swim!!
@Onedia – Oohh…lets find out!! You bring 3 mad moonshined up women over to Blighty and I will have a sitdown chat with them all and see what happens! I will record it and put out a podcast!
12 Mikiye Creations
// Mar 16, 2008 at 10:21 pm
*wiping tears from my eyes*
OH!
I was LAUGHING MY ASS OFF with this one!
My BF came home and the first thing he says when he walks in the door is,”Gee, what’s SO FUNNY?!!!”
13 Sy
// Mar 16, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Hahaha! Mikiye, I hope he saw the funny side of your laughing!
I think I need to give up working in IT and become a full time stupid story writer. OK, I wont make much money out of it, but people seem to appreciate this stuff WAY more then when I do my day job!
Although I should take no credit for this post. Had it not been for the original story of how Tamera (whose site I highly recommend reading) stalked the Gator, I would have never been able to write this. So my sincere thanks to her for giving me such material!
14 Anca
// Mar 17, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Sy, two things:
1. Have you found Charlie? I’m worried.
2. I have this “contest” here: http://megavegalicious.com/2008/03/04/contest-update-new-story-contest/
I haven’t advertised for it at all so far, and it’s almost over at the end of the month. Nobody entered, so I wanted to invite you. All you have to do is write a short (or long) story about Vegas (and I know you can!). I’ll publish it there and you have amazing chances of winning, 0 opponents!
Everyone’s invited, even Tamera
Thanks Sy
15 Tamera
// Mar 17, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Sy…have you received any ransom note? I’m very suspicious of Peter’s cousin Harry that just swam by….and, the sounds of scream-meowing coming from the bushes. It ain’t sounding good at all!
16 Sy
// Mar 17, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Great news! Charlie has returned! As I expected, she had gone to a party that just didnt end. She came home 25 minutes ago, and has crashed out resting. Here she is:
http://www.wheelturninghamsterdead.com/charlieisback.jpg
Now. This leads to another question. I did indeed receive a ransom note. Actually, Charlie brought it in with her when she came in. Someone thinks they have Charlie. But they don’t. So the question is….who DO they have?!?!
@Anca – I shall write it later should work be nice and quiet!
17 Tamera
// Mar 17, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Aaaaaaha!!!! That cannot be your cat! You said your cat was pregnant, and this cat is NOT!
18 Sy
// Mar 17, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Nice try! How can you tell when you are looking at a preggers black cat on a black leather beanbed! Nice try!! Although it is hard to tell in that photo. What gives it away is that the only way she can sleep in a comfy position is flat on her back like that!! Bless!
19 Anca
// Mar 17, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Charlie’s beautiful! I shall send you a pic of mine soon
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