You can call me lazy. Hell, you can call me Shirley if you want. But rather then write a long post about whatever strange weird stuff is in my head, I thought I would just do small snippets of recent news.
Yeah I know. I thought I was awesomely different too!
According to THISnews story, a 13 year old American boy has blown up 213 balloons with his nose. This is almost the exact reverse to Amy Winehouse who has inhaled 213 lines of coke with her nose. In unrelated news, I have no time for Amy Winehouse.
And in THISnews story, it says that Bill Crosby is recording a Hip Hop album. I can’t even contemplate going any further with this one. Although it does say he will not do any vocals on the album. So. Erm. What is his involvement apart from sounding like a stupid news story?
But it would be crazy to stop there, when you can READabout a Marilyn Monroe sex tape selling for $1.5Million. But before you think that someone dug up her body and did some sick stuff, it was recorded when she was still alive. Now, don’t get me wrong, but the last time I checked, in 1835 or whenever she was alive, they didn’t exactly have camcorders or mobile phones with cameras on. So just how bad a quality would that film have been? Was it Marilyn or a semi-attractive polar bear with lipstick on?
Crazy? You may think. But did you know you can lose 10 stone from eating baked beans? Yeah. Really. Not shown in the news story is the gas masks all the people around him were wearing. You might be thin, but damn I bet you smelt bad. I went on a diet once. It was one of those fad diets the stars do. It was the same one as Sylvester Stallone did to pick up weight for that cop film he did. The Fatkins diet I think it was. Lets just say I didn’t lose any weight. I also now get 2 seats on a plane when I fly. So in reality, the camera really DOES make you lose 50 pounds. I am now 5’8″. Wide.
11 responses so far ↓
1 TheMovie Whore
// Apr 16, 2008 at 4:57 pm
You realize as you get older you start to shrink in height but grow width. I used to be 6’2″ and skinny. Now I am 5’10″ and not so skinny.
Bill Cosby it seems has missed seeing his name in the paper. At least it’s not a paternity issue.
I have no idea who Amy Winehouse is and I am sure there is a good reason for that.
So and old grainy probably nearly unwatchable tape of Marylin Monroe having sex. Seriously the woman has been dead for decades can we just leave her alone.
As for your laziness sir, I am sitting in my recliner typing this dribble and probably won’t get out of the chair for another hour. That will be to freshen my coffee. That should make you feel better or jealous.
2 Onedia
// Apr 16, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Clearly I am wasting my time and my morning cup of coffee watching BBC World News, but I have a tremendous crush on Tanya and her pink jackets.
As for weight loss, I am becoming resigned to being “fifties and fat” .
O.
3 Tamera
// Apr 17, 2008 at 3:12 am
I wonder where keli has gone to. I’d like to ask him if he could blow up that many balloons with his furting?
Are you feeling better?
4 Anca
// Apr 17, 2008 at 6:31 am
They would make “news” out of everything, just like they make reality shows about everything. By the way, I hardly ever watch TV, and I was surprised to see they had a reality show about a tanning salon, a tattoo parlour, a bisexual “lady” called Tequila that’s making out with guys and girls, some other ladies that rap and others that want to play in telenovelas, a show about some skaterboy’s everyday life…and many many others. Kinda off topic of me, but…just came to mind
5 Sy
// Apr 17, 2008 at 7:53 am
@Mr Whore – I hear ya buddy. If it isnt a paternity or a sex case with ol’ Billy Boy, it doesnt seem worth reporting anymore! I feel he has peaked…which if as you say things get smaller with age…I have indeed peaked. Bugger!
@Onedia – Hmmm. I should probably switch on BBC World News and see this Tanya you speak of. We get normal BBC News, so I dont recognise a Tanya person. And dont worry about the weight. I resigned myself to being an embryo and fat some 33 years ago!
@Tamera – Mr Kelly is working hard, and probably furting his head off from the stress! He did promise to check back in once in a while though. If he doesnt, we can go to Cali and have a chat with him. Get him back in the fold! And yeah, I feel better. Not 100%, but well enough to look at a PC screen now. And I am sorry to hear your news, and I hope your trip goes well.
@Anca – They do what? See, I LOVE Tequila. That is the drinking variety and not the messed up world of weirdness type Tequila. So is it bad that I know think of having a “Shot of tequila” as something bad? Now tell me. Where did you hear of these shows?? And when are they on. What channel in the US? I should probably have a chat with my favourite P2P program and see if I can get some of this TV gold!
6 Anca
// Apr 17, 2008 at 9:31 am
7 Onedia
// Apr 17, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Well, Sy, Tanya Becket is part of the BBC America broadcast of the world news that I watch. Many presenters (we call them anchors) she does business news and has a fondness for pink jackets and glossy lipstick but she is very good as are 99 per cent of the presenters which is more than I can say for U.S. news
8 TheMovie Whore
// Apr 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
You know I would take shot here here but I am getting the feeling in your weakened state a battle of wits would be unfair as you seem to be unarmed my friend.
9 Sy
// Apr 17, 2008 at 6:33 pm
@Anca – I dunno you know. I may have to write a post about that lot. It could be fun. I should do a little research. I wont show my wife though, as my internet history would look better if I was to peruse “dodgy adult sites” compared to that lot.
@Onedia – DId you know she also likes green? http://www.tvnewsroom.co.uk/viewpictures.php?gallery=tanyabeckett and yeah! I know her! I mean that from TV and not in real life obviously. At work we either have 24 hour BBC news or 24 hour Sky news on so I recognise her now!
@Jimbo aka Mr whore aka Wonderboy – Yeah go easy today. I dont think I could fight my way out of a wet paper bag at the moment! Weakened state? I can barely stand up!!
10 Anca
// Apr 17, 2008 at 11:02 pm
I hope you’ll get better soon!
11 Jane the Pain
// Apr 18, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Hey, we can sit next to each other and take up a whole aisle!
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