23rd July @ 6am – In a very pleasant slumber, my wife starts playing with my feet. I enjoy this. She never does it. Because my feet smell of cheese? Maybe. Because my feet are as ugly as the love child of George Bush and Gordon Brown after a night on the absinthe? Well, they aren’t THAT bad. Just because she knows I like it so won’t do it? Likely but not confirmed.
So why today? Well, about a month ago, I sat in a room and heard the words “Yes, it might happen in films, but it almost never happens without contractions first, and then it is a long time after the contractions start”. This was in reply to a woman saying “What if I am at work or out and my waters break?” while in an antenatal class.
A few minutes of enjoying the foot tickling, I figure I should show my appreciation with a raised head, a smile and tell her I love her. Of course, I was pretty sure at this point I was still asleep and I was going to turn round and see a Sasquatch at the end of the bed dribbling while chewing the remains of my cats tail or something, and I was next. Yes, I really never ever get woken up to my feet being tickled. I get woken up to being shaken, called, shouted at, or on occasion poked in the eye followed shortly afterwards by the words “Stop snoring”. So it must be a dream.
“I think my waters have broken” my wife tells me. A wry smile on her face and creating puddles like Jemima puddleduck living up to her surname. There were no contractions. Of course, we were also told that the start of the contractions would stop and proper labour would start many hours later.
9:45am – A trip to the day unit to confirm the waters have indeed broken. Because they like to check that even though the water behind the hoover damn is laying on the floor now. Maybe because most first time mothers these days are 13 and not 33 and may not know. I am pretty sure we know the difference between a bladder that has given up the ghost and waters breaking. Hell, even a complimentary sniff would answer that one.
We were told the contractions were just “niggles” which will go away and labour will start some point in the next 72 hours. They were spot on about the contractions starting some point in the next 72 hours. They started there and then. Which was very much inside of that 72 hours. The “niggles” therefore; weren’t.
2pm – Wifey is now sat at home in the bath. The “niggles” were less painful in there. So I sat next to her. On the toilet. For 4 hours. And never had to flush once. Yes, my behind was fast asleep. 4 hours on the can is not the most fun a man can have. Sat, with a stopwatch in his hand timing the “niggles”. The “niggles” were never more then 3 minutes apart. And didn’t stop.
6pm – “Lets call the delivery suite” my wife mentions between “oohhh….eeeee….aaaahhhhh” noises that she had been making every couple of minutes for the past hours. So I did. “Hello. Delivery suite. How can I help you” was spoken by the person answering the phone. In a language I did not understand. “Here we go…” I thought. After explaining that we had been to the day unit, she keeps replying back “You want the number for the day unit?” I feel at times like these, that it is important for 2 panicking first time parents to be able to speak to someone who can speak a language that you understand. Apparently not important to them. But finally, they tell us to come in.
9pm – She is back in the bath. I am back sat on the can. Just this time at the hospital. As the loving husband, I kept the water topped up. This was not because I am nice. It was to get blood flow back in my rear which was now snoring it was so asleep. No, it wasn’t wind. It was snoring.
By midnight, the immortal words “It wont happen tonight, so go home” were said to me. Not believing them at all, I went home. Had a bath of my own. Didn’t sit on the toilet at all. Went to work as it was half way between home and the hospital as I was supposed to be working anyway, and knew there would be another call. An hour later I got a phone call, and broke the land speed record in a 1.6L engine. Getting to the hospital, the car looked at me with a “Oh hell do you do owe me one!” look on it’s face as it let out a huge sigh of relief that it was still in one piece.
From there on, there was a lot of swearing, sweating and looks of sheer pain. My wife on the other hand, did amazingly with only a few words not suitable for this blog.
24th July @ 7:01am – 25 hours after my feet were tickled, our daughter was laid on to my wife’s stomach. In the TV show 24, there are ad breaks. They need to rethink this labour thing. Bring it in line with the needs of today.
So for all those that say “Oh, the man has it easy”, I challenge you! It may not be as hard as it is for the woman, but hell…it ain’t easy! DVT from the toilet seat, speeding in the car to be there for your wife and child, fingernails dug in hands, broken bones (or maybe a little fractured), crying like a big girl in front of strangers when your child is born, sat on the toilet for hours on end with the inability to really do anything at all that takes the pain away from your wife/girlfriend.
Tell me again why we have it easy.
© 2008, Sy. All rights reserved.
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13 responses so far ↓
1 Georgie B
// Aug 4, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Allegedly we have it easy because we were there for the important part and nothing else.
Don’t you believe it. We are there for the grief, the pain, the early morning wakeups, and whatever else the wife/girlfriend needs to make the day go by a little bit easier.
Congrats on your new daughter.
The fun now really begins.
2 Bree Ahmed
// Aug 5, 2008 at 10:30 am
Lol. I loved the way you rolled it.
3 MOB
// Aug 5, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Oh well done on you all being well. The 23rd is my birthday – your daughter was almost born alongside a goddess such as myself! Still, the 24th is my sisters birthday – she’s almost a goddess!
How fantastic that she is in the world, all well and pink no doubt. All the best to you all and hopefully you are managing to get some sleep. Hope Mrs Sy has recovered well. God bless the lot of ya!
4 Sy
// Aug 5, 2008 at 4:37 pm
You know it Georgie! Although I have to say, I did quite enjoy being there for the important part. And cannot wait for the important part to crank up again…although I feel that may be a while. But yeah, it is certainly fun at the moment. We take turn to do feeds, nappy changing etc so I can say I am certainly doing my bit!!
Ah yeah, see the way I see it Bree, I should write it as it happened…which I kinda did. But really…my behind was fast asleep at one point to where I couldnt stand on one of my legs!
Hello MOB! Welcome back! The 23rd is my wife’s birthday too…so she was born of a goddess! But yeah, she is doing great. Mrs Sy is doing an amazing job and sleep is for wimps. I try to be a wimp for as many hours as day that I can!
5 Tamera
// Aug 5, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Ehhhh….well…..Well, we women sure are glad that you men share the hardships with us! Afterall, we don’t make these babies alone! hehehe
6 Sy
// Aug 5, 2008 at 8:39 pm
You know it Tamera! And what fun that making the babies is too!! It was a hard morning when she was conceived I can tell you! I was knackered!
7 Bree Ahmed
// Aug 6, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Haha. The butt going to sleep part ? I can SO relate to that. But I was sitting for that long in the bathroom ’cause my parents banned me from reading books. So I to hide and read.
I blame my teachers. They had this programme where you’d get these ‘golden’ star awards for reading the most number of books in a week. It drove my parents nuts. In the end I started hiding my books. I’d read them with a torch inside my blanket, but bloody hell, I wanted that golden thing so bad. Sigh.
I got the star reader award alrighhhht. BUT I also go glasses by the end of the sixth grade. To my parents horror !
Haha. I am sure your experience paid off in the shape of a cuddly little angel.
HEEEEEEEEY ! Can we see more of her !?
8 Bree Ahmed
// Aug 6, 2008 at 1:11 pm
*in a better shape i.e of a cuddly little angel.
9 Sy
// Aug 7, 2008 at 12:02 am
You had to hide in the bathroom to read? Thats mad! Why didnt you stick the pages to the inside of your eyelids though…that would make more sense as you could have sneeky naps inbetween reading the pages!
Now, whenever I am under a blanket with a torch (which OK, isnt often), I stick the torch in my mouth and look in the handmirror at my orange head. I never really learnt a lot doing that if you dont count burning my mouth on the hot bulb. And I never got a star award either. I feel cheated. You are so far ahead of me on the whole reading books front. I got an award for swimming 5 meters when I was 7 years old. It has all gone downhill from there for me.
You can certainly see more of her! I have created a site, although no content on there yet. The address is http://www.shawneejaydnhughes.co.uk and updates will start appearing in the next few days. It will be done from her eyes, but in my writing style…so expect the unexpected!!!
10 Bree Ahmed
// Aug 7, 2008 at 7:47 pm
You know what’s weird/amazing ? YOU ANSWERING BACK ! Lol. No jokes. I am honoured. And it tells me that you’re human.
AND it’d be just hitting the nail once more but oh my God, you are SO funny ! It doesn’t hurt to say it again does it ? I’ve got this huuuuuge smile on my face right now. Do you know ? I read out your posts to my 17 year old sister and 19 year brother. They love you too !
11 Bree Ahmed
// Aug 7, 2008 at 7:52 pm
And whoa. I have to give you an award for being the freakin’ most coolest dad on the planet ! A whole page for your daughter ? This is WICKED ! I can’t wait to see what you do over there. Mannnn your daughter is going to love you so much. Tell you what ? Write it till she’s 18 and then ‘gift’ it to her as a surprise ? Lol. Though that’d be hard to hide. And would take ages ! Eeeks. But seriously you.rule.so.much.I.don’t.think.the.world.can.take.it !
12 Georgie B
// Aug 7, 2008 at 10:52 pm
That’s very nice that you made a site for your daughter.
Actually, I should say impressive. Something that will last a lifetime for her. The ultimate gift that a dad can give thier child.
13 Sy
// Aug 7, 2008 at 11:58 pm
@Bree – Ah yeah. You see, the reason I do this site is to interact with the readers, so I always try to answer comments to this effect. You made the effort to comment, so I should make the effort to reply! Do yout brother and sister get my weird English humour like you do? I am glad it makes you laugh though! I am doing something right!!
@Bree & Georgie – Yup. The site for Shawnee will be her growing up written through her eyes…but with my humour…so who knows what will happen on there!!! It could be messy!!!
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