First we were going to end up tearing a hole in the universe and all die due to the particle accelerator being turned on, but now it is a lot worse. The particle accelerator was nothing compared to the carnage coming our way.
According to several nutjobs informed people around the world, the Galactic Federation of Light are due to arrive in the skies of our planet on October 14th…or tomorrow to the rest of us. And what are they going to do? Cuddle us to death.
No really. They are coming to spread their love. But don’t trust them. As a randy teenager, I did my very best to “spread my love” as often as I could to as many unsuspecting teenage girls not ready to understand that I just didn’t really love them like I said, and then later on in life in clubs around town when I was a little more then a lot drunk. But that pales in comparison to the arrival of the cosmic teddy bears.
OK, so I dont have any confirmation that they are indeed teddybears, but if something is going to come spread the cuddle of doom, it surely has to be a teddy. Or as I should maybe put it, “It better not be elvis”. Although I guess the burger companies would welcome the profit boost from his return?
But have no fear my friends. I have assembled an army of bitter adults who had their teddy leave them years ago to go backpacking across the antarctic (well, that is where my mum told me mine went when Mr Funkles went missing one day while I was at school, aged 14) and now have an inbuilt hatred towards them. Together we will defeat them. I will be watching the skies all night tonight for you to keep you safe. Well, I am working the night shift at work and will be watching TV, but rest assured that if something does indeed happen, I sure as hell wont notice as I will be napping as the pesky cuddly bear creeps up and tries to give me his love.
I dont want to be “loved” by a teddy. Unless it is in the shape of Jessica Rabbit. I mean, if you are going to go…go happy!
Hey, you might think I am joking, but THIS website told me. And the Interwebthingie doesn’t lie!
© 2008, Sy. All rights reserved.
on 
26 responses so far ↓
1 Tamera
// Oct 13, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Oh, cool! What time are they coming, central time? You must know, Sy! If they penciled in the date in their books, they must have scheduled a time?
2 Sy
// Oct 13, 2008 at 9:47 pm
I believe it is 4am CSTC (central space time continuum) time. Although I have NO idea what that is in eastern, central or GMT. So I think they should at least make more of an effort. If I have to die by the hand of a large space teddy, I want timings!
3 Eric
// Oct 13, 2008 at 10:07 pm
The countdown is underway
Ready
Teddy
GO!
4 Sy
// Oct 13, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Hey Eric!
Just beware of Teddy’s bearing the gift of cuddles… Remember that where you are is already tomorrow so they could be there before we know it!
5 Eric
// Oct 13, 2008 at 10:28 pm
I wondered what happened to “Cuddles” Did the Teddy Bears kidnap him? Does Keith Harris know about this?
Yes here in Woop Woop it is the 14th, the sky is blue and clear. I can safely report no Teddy’s
Those Galactic Federation of light people sound like they may be one teddy bear short of a picnic.
6 Sy
// Oct 13, 2008 at 10:31 pm
I belive Orville ate him. Keith did try to remove him from Orvilles stomach, but had to go in “from behind” as he was already partly digested.
Do keep me informed should Teddy Invasion 2008 appear though. And if you find a way to defeat them a’ la Independance Day stylee, spread the word!
I have to agree with you though. I think someone may have already eaten their picnic. Now. Where is Yogi and Boo Boo….hmmm…conspiracy theorists unite!
7 Georgie B
// Oct 13, 2008 at 11:47 pm
What?????
Teddy Invasions???
Stuffed animals???
Pfft…would rather have the other kind of teddies.
8 Sy
// Oct 13, 2008 at 11:49 pm
But what if the teddy was wearing the teddie….how confusing would that be! But then, we are back to my Jessica Rabbit thing again huh!
9 Tamera
// Oct 14, 2008 at 12:42 am
*still waiting*. Been looking up in the sky since I last wrote….me thinks me will have a kink in the neck in the morning…..but, since it’s already night your time, and they’re on their way…well, you won’t be able to warn us across the pond, will you? You’ll be cuddled to death. We need a solution..quick.
10 Sy
// Oct 14, 2008 at 12:49 am
Yeah, I get the idea they are playing a game with us and are not actually coming. Instead, they are having a teddy bear picnic on Mars and laughing at us. Damn them and their light beams and other weird stuff! But be sure that should they arrive, I will shout very loudly so you hear me! It is only a few thousand miles, so my voice should follow! Of course, you could be right and I could be cuddled to death…and I am still praying for Jessica Rabbit should that be the way I have to go!
11 Tamera
// Oct 14, 2008 at 12:57 am
*sigh* ..OK, yell loud..But, Lord…just don’t send the carrier pigeon again.
12 Sy
// Oct 14, 2008 at 1:00 am
Hey, you people ATE the last carrier pigeon! How was I ever supposed to contend with that! How about I send the carrier skunk? Granted it is a lot slower, but you wont be eating that anytime soon!
13 Mean Mom
// Oct 14, 2008 at 1:21 am
What? You didn’t really love me? And I’ve felt guilty for all these years for lying about my age!!
14 Sy
// Oct 14, 2008 at 1:25 am
Nononononooooooooooo….you were special! Old…but special! But the words “I am 19″ when you looked 30 was a little strange.
15 Tamera
// Oct 14, 2008 at 1:54 am
Bright white lights approaching in the distance….Syyyyyyyyy
16 Sy
// Oct 14, 2008 at 1:55 am
That is the pizza delivery guy. I ordered you some food! It is all paid for, but you decide if you want to tip!! I put some tequila in the parcel too. It is on me! Shame…I wish it was IN me.
17 Tamera
// Oct 14, 2008 at 2:17 am
Oh…..thanks, Sy. *burp*
18 Sy
// Oct 14, 2008 at 2:18 am
Always a pleasure, never a chore!
19 The Movie Whore
// Oct 14, 2008 at 2:57 am
It is so nice to see some things never change. You are still insane.
20 Sy
// Oct 14, 2008 at 3:00 am
It is all I have my friend! Without it, life would be too serious. Plus I am on nightshifts, so a lack of sleep, the darkness and not working as it is quiet always leads to this kind of post!
21 Eric
// Oct 14, 2008 at 7:25 am
I can report today that in my sleepy little town there were no visits by the Galactic Federation of Light. However we did have a visit by the Tabernacle Ministry people. They came bearing fresh pineapple, but no teddies, fish or loaves.
Cuddles are taboo due to some charges being laid against the lay preacher. However praising was abundant.
22 Georgie B
// Oct 14, 2008 at 11:46 am
Jessica Rabbit in a teddy???
(eye is starting to twitch, hands are starting to shake)
23 Tamera
// Oct 14, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Morning has broken…..*still alive* Whew!
24 Sy
// Oct 14, 2008 at 9:34 pm
@Eric – So you had praising, pineapple and Tabernacle Ministry people…but no Galactic Federation of Light. That sounds like a successful day really doesnt it. Well, apart from some of those “charges” you mentioned….
@Georgie B – I know! That red dress was enough, but the teddy? I dont thnk my heart or blood pressure could handle it…
@Tamera – Welcome back! We are all safe. The cuddly nutjobs obviously got caught in space traffic! Keep em peeled though….you just never know.
25 Christine
// Oct 14, 2008 at 11:46 pm
The “cuddle of doom” had me laughing out loud. Funny stuff.
26 Sy
// Oct 15, 2008 at 12:14 am
You wont be laughing when the teddy climbs out of his spaceship and gives you a hug! ;o)
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