I haven’t done an “abuse the search engine results” post for a while.  For those that don’t remember, those that cannot be bothered to try and remember and for the newer people reading the site, HERE is a previous post.

But you don’t want to read that when you can read this!

As before, the words in the ” ” are the words that were used in google by people to find the site.  The rest is me just abusing them:

Dear Sy:  Can you tell me why “Being a vegetarian is bad“?

Uncle Sy Says:  Yes.  Because the slaughter of innocent vegetables is wrong.  Cow’s and Chicken’s deserve it.  Actually, they love it.  When the baby cow’s and chickens and sheep are at school, they learn how the greatest thing they can have is to end up on my plate.  Remember that salad is food’s food.

Dear Sy:  When my boyfriend misbehaves, I “squeeze his balls”

Uncle Sy Says:  Well a punishment is always needed.  Just like me and my wife.  When she misbehaves…erm…well, she is a woman.  That basically means that she is never wrong.  As for me, I prefer she nibbles rather then squeezes.  But that is a completely different question.

Dear Sy:  I like “sniffing sweaty socks”

Uncle Sy Says:  That’s wonderful.  I like beating up idiots.  I suggest walking away now as I am starting to twitch as you talk.

Dear Sy:  Is it wrong that I like “breathing hamster feces“?

Uncle Sy Says:  Not at all.  In fact, get your credit card out, cut a few hamster poops up and give them a good hard sniff.  You will feel like a superhero, and there are a whole load of addicts out there waiting for pure hamster poop to inject/smoke/snort.

Dear Sy:  My “car is chirping when I turn the wheel”

Uncle Sy Says:  You ran over a bird.  Stop the car, get out, remove the injured avian and take it to the vet.  Once that is done, have a think about how stupid you are to ask google such an obvious question.

Dear Sy:  “Do rich tea biscuits give you spots?”

Uncle Sy Says:  No, it is that huge bar of chocolate and the fact you don’t wash.  Now put the chocolate down and go have a bath.  You smell.

Dear Sy:  Can you tell me some “funny reflections of turning forty?”

Uncle Sy Says:  I really can’t.  There is nothing funny about turning forty.  And with the whole issue of euthanasia means that you shouldn’t be laughing either…it is almost your time!

Dear Sy:  I am wondering “how do they write ooohhh”

Uncle Sy Says:  Like this: ooohhh.  Not the brightest bulb in the box are you!?  I am guessing you were lonely at school.

Dear Sy:  “How many hours does it take to get a hamster pregnant“?

Uncle Sy Says:  It depends on how much you are enjoying yourself, and if you are holding back from finishing.  Oh, and it is illegal, so get your pecker out of the poor little thing.  You need help.  And a human hamster (or Humster as they would be known) would scare children.

Dear Sy:  Can you help me, “how to hump a guy sexy”

Uncle Sy Says:  There is no way I am crossing swords with that guy just to give you some help.  Instead, why not buy a book on just that kind of thing which will put him right in the mood to the point where it won’t matter how good or bad you are?  Get him the pictorial biography of Jocelyn Wildenstein.  That should do it!

Dear Sy: “If you have a hamster for a year and get another one, what will happen?”

Uncle Sy says:  You will have 2 hamsters.  Math is just not your strong point huh?

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