It started with a squeak.
A door that when we closed, managed to wake up the entire neighbourhood. I wouldn’t say it was loud, because that would assume that I could hear it. No, it was one of those that had such a high pitched noise that all the dogs in the neighbourhood started a combined howling at the moon and then went on the hunt for the blood of the mortals for use in some weird doggy black magic ritual.
So being Mr Lets-Do-DIY!, I went to the shop and bought the marvel that is WD-40.
In buying it, I created a monster.
In years gone by, the bottles were nice and small and were still full of more than you will ever need. After hunting around the shop, the only size bottle I could find was one that I needed to get a trailer for my car to drag the damn thing home. It’s huge. In the unlikely even that I ever use it all, I am going to move all my belongings in to it and make it a games and media room. I mean it. The thing is enormous. The day after I bought it, I had a letter from the local council saying they couldn’t see any planning permission for it.
But that would not stop me. So armed with it now fitted as a backpack, I attached a fire hose to it to help concentrate the spray and tackled the small squeaky hinge.
With a quarter second burst of *pssst*, the hinge was fixed.
What the hell am I going to do with the additional 200993000 litres attached to my back giving me a hump like the uglier cousin of Quasimodo?
Well, I have been experimenting.
After a big plate of baked beans for dinner, I have found that I too can be a touch squeaky. Contrary to the notes on the packaging, it actually can’t stop the noise. It does however create a bit of an itchy patch that requires attention.
A cat meows. Nothing wrong with that. But at 3am when you are woken up by your cat shouting out to it’s 2 kiddies who are asleep on my bed who then jump up going “meowmeowmeowmeow” running to Mum to find out just what dead animal she has bought in this time…well..it gets a touch annoying. So armed with my backpack of WD-40 and looking like a naked (but incredibly good looking) Ghostbuster, I am aiming my hose (the fire one) at the cat’s and spraying the life out of them with squeaky-stopping-WD-40-goodness. It didn’t work as planned. They got louder. And annoyed. And then turned up with the dogs ready for the blood ritual. My blood.
By now I was starting to feel a little bit dejected by the promises made on the can. But I persevered because I just had nothing better to do with my time than futile exercises.
Ever have that weird feeling every so often when you are walking like there is something loose in your head and you hear a clicking noise? (Please say yes, it will save me going for tests.) Well, it was starting to annoy me. So I sprayed the WD-40 in my ears. I will just say “Don’t try this at home”. Although in my defence, it worked. I cant hear anything at all anymore.
So is there anything this is actually good for?
Well actually…yes. I didn’t realise at first how spraying it in my ears was actually the way forward.
I can no longer hear the cat meow in the middle of the night.
I can no longer hear squeaky hinges on doors.
My own “personal squeaks” are now only known by the fact my nose burns and the cat leaves the room.
© 2009, Sy. All rights reserved.
on 
26 responses so far ↓
1 Tiggy
// Mar 18, 2009 at 4:41 pm
WD-40 also makes a healthy salad dressing or frying oil.
It doesn’t mention anything about calories on the can, so I assume it doesn’t have any.
Tiggy’s last blog post..5 A Day Food Hell
2 Sy
// Mar 18, 2009 at 4:52 pm
It is also a very good additive for a hot curry…coz lets be honest…it’s gonna burn on the way out regardless!
3 Angry Max
// Mar 18, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Why do they call it WD-40 anyway? Can’t they come up with something more descriptive like Sqeaky-B-Gone?
Angry Max’s last blog post..A Cure for Peanut Allergy: Grow a Pair
4 Mrs T
// Mar 18, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Blimey, I love WD 40 – an addiction I inherited from my grandad who used to spray it on everything. I remember the time he sprayed it inside the toaster particularly fondly….
Anyway that stuff makes me feel like a real housewife – I can cure squeaky doors, bikes, lawnmowers…. unfortunately it doesn’t seem to work for removing burnt beef curry off the bottom of pans though…
I say, the bigger the pack the better! Who wants a can with one of those little tiny nostril – sized red dispensing tubes to attach when you can just blast it through a hosepipe!
Mrs T’s last blog post..Music Tuesday; An Irish Rollercoaster
5 bettyl
// Mar 18, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Do they make a WD 40 for snoring? I could use a back-packing size.
bettyl’s last blog post..US vs NZ list
6 Kelly
// Mar 19, 2009 at 5:18 am
But did the dogs rip off any of your limbs? Is it possible to set a friend on fire with WD 40 when you’re feeling bored?
Kelly’s last blog post..What a Beautiful Musical
7 Sy
// Mar 19, 2009 at 7:49 am
@Angry Max – It stands for Water Displacement solution 40…or the 40th one they tried that worked! Exciting hey? I reckon squeaky-b-gone for de-squeaker are better names though. Makes it more fun to ask for.
@Mrs T – Are you sure it doesnt remove the beef curry? I have read the uses…and amazingly, it is supposed to do a lot of things. Of course, it isnt THAT good…it is petroleum based and wont allow you to run your car on it. But then…with how often you drive in to things, I think thats no bad thing.
@BettyL – I REALLY hope not! Lets just say that if it did, my wife would ram it down my throat with a vigour normally saved for people on speed.
@Kelly – I wouldnt say ripped off. More tingly and fun, and because I laid there and let them do it, I found it a fun exercise in trying to re-attach limbs.
8 Mrs T
// Mar 19, 2009 at 8:05 am
Are you saying I’ve got a problem with my driving Sy? Personally, I think only 3 crashes last year was pretty good…
….it could have been so many more.
I like Kelly’s idea though; I’m gonna add WD 40 to my school run arsenal….
Mrs T’s last blog post..Music Tuesday; An Irish Rollercoaster
9 Sy
// Mar 19, 2009 at 8:08 am
Noooo….I would never say you have a problem with your driving. I wonder though…you say 3 crashes in a year, yet you only took the car out twice. Interesting…
It should burn quite well shouldnt it! I will give it a go in the garden later…hell, I have enough of the stuff!!
10 Mrs T
// Mar 19, 2009 at 9:21 am
I’m not even counting the time Mr T years ago left my little Fiesta in the garage in first gear and I drove into the fridge freezer….
It’s a male problem – flat ground, in a garage – so hey let’s park it in first gear just in case it rolls backwards, crashing through the garage doors, building up to a deadly speedy and wiping out a herd of passing elephants….
Yeah, you know who got the blame though…..
Mrs T’s last blog post..Music Tuesday; An Irish Rollercoaster
11 Sy
// Mar 19, 2009 at 9:40 am
So what yo uare saying is that he left it in 1st gear and Mrs T…the ever cautious…did her pre-start checks of checking the handbreak is on and the gears are disengaged…hmmmm…. But you know, one day yo uare going to look out of your window and see a herd of elephants and you will think “Did I leave it in 1st gear?”
12 Mrs T
// Mar 19, 2009 at 10:30 am
At which point, Master Sy, I will stop sniffing my WD40……. in the meantime the hallucinations about Pierce Brosnan and Kevin Costner are very enjoyable.
Mrs T’s last blog post..Music Tuesday; An Irish Rollercoaster
13 Sy
// Mar 19, 2009 at 10:50 am
I dont think anyone should be made to sniff it. Actually, according to the wikipedia page for it, the smell was actually added when it went on mainstream sale…they could have picked the smell of KFC or something!
14 Mrs T
// Mar 19, 2009 at 10:55 am
Oh man – WD 40 KFC flavour! Wow! They could have done chocolate flavour too – I’d have been greasin’ up those bikes all day long….
Mrs T’s last blog post..Music Tuesday; An Irish Rollercoaster
15 Sy
// Mar 19, 2009 at 10:59 am
I dont need to hear about you greasing up all day long! ;o)
Actually, have you tried the chocolate flavoured crisps from Walkers? Holy hell thay are nice!
16 Mrs T
// Mar 19, 2009 at 11:13 am
There are chocolate flavoured crisps????
Mrs T’s jaw drops open………..
…….. in anticpation……..
Mrs T’s last blog post..Music Tuesday; An Irish Rollercoaster
17 Sy
// Mar 19, 2009 at 11:15 am
Huh? You didnt know? Mrs T…I am surprised, amazed and VERy disappointed in you. Yeah you know the walkers TV ad where they say vote for your favourite, well…chocolate. And yes, they do taste like chocolate. Like chocolate nesquick…which is great anyway! So go buy some. They arent in multipacks, just individual packs in shops.
18 Mrs T
// Mar 19, 2009 at 11:18 am
Mrs T is off to the shops…
Once I’ve got past that damn herd of elephants….
Mrs T’s last blog post..Music Tuesday; An Irish Rollercoaster
19 Tami
// Mar 19, 2009 at 3:24 pm
*laugh*. this was extra funny
Tami’s last blog post..Top ‘O the Mornin’!
20 The Movie Whore
// Mar 19, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Sy I don’t think going for tests will solve anything. What will solve some of your problems would be to find a way to fix your severe impulse control problem.
Of course the flaw with that is that if you did fix it you would be become one boring dude and the rest of us just won;t except it. So go forward with your exercises in futility and never look back. Also if you begin to think, stop immediately or it may result in you not doing something incredibly stupid and thus ruin our joy in hearing about it. haha
The Movie Whore’s last blog post..Movies from the Corner 8
21 Sy
// Mar 20, 2009 at 3:15 pm
@Mrs T – Did you find chocolate crisps?
@Tami – It’s weird, it took no time to write…but I think that stuff wrote a post on it’s own!
@Jim – Yeah I am confident that if I went for tests they would have me insitutionalised and I wouldnt be allowed near a PC…actually, I think they would probably give me loads of weird products and ask me to test them, but I wouldnt be able to write posts on it!
22 Mrs T
// Mar 20, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Chocolate and chilli and some other scrumptious flavours – I like the sound of the Duck and Hoisin too!
Haven’t actually tried any yet…damn this weight loss challenge and I’m only one day in…..
Mrs T’s last blog post..Music Tuesday; An Irish Rollercoaster
23 G.
// Mar 21, 2009 at 12:41 am
I’m impressed. 22 comments about using WD-40 for other purposes than what it’s intended for.
What about using it for the nasty bed squeaks that seem to pop up at the most inopportune time when you’re trying to do a quickie at a cheap motel?
G.’s last blog post..Syndexed*
24 Tim
// Mar 21, 2009 at 6:52 am
I lived in England my first 18 years and then the US for another 14. During this time, I used a few drops of WD-40 from a bottle hand down through the generations. Now I live in Ukraine and basically have to hose down my house and car on a weekly basis with the stuff.
Tim’s last blog post..10 Begging Tips For AIG Executives
25 Tim
// Mar 21, 2009 at 6:54 am
That’s “handed down.” Where’s the bloody WD-40?
Tim’s last blog post..10 Begging Tips For AIG Executives
26 Sy
// Mar 23, 2009 at 12:37 pm
@G – ahhh…but then what good would the bed be? From my experiences, it’s about making sure the guy in the room next to you who needs to sleep hears every single second!
@Tim – Eeesh…How much of the stuff do you go through there! Ya need me to send a crate over to ya?
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