It’s always the same. You are great friends with someone and then one day you have an argument, pull down his trousers and bite a chunk of his penis off.
Because obviously why wouldn’t you? I mean if you want to get violent, why stick to the punching and kicking when you can instead yank your mates trousers down for a little alternative sausage action?
But this is what actually happened. In Poland (naturally).
But at least being a true friend, he swallowed it. That or he is an awesome player of the “hide the bitten off piece of penis” game, as they couldn’t find it anywhere. But then, how do you explain what you are looking for?
“OK everybody. We are looking for the end of a guys penis.”
And then someone is going to ask “How big is it?”
Which is going to lead to the ongoing lie about him thinking he was way better endowed than he was. This is a natural response obviously because all of us blokes lie about that. I as an example just a few years ago told a perspective partner that I was incredibly impressive “down there”, because I figured I had no chance. We are now married and she often refers to me as “The lying little git”.
But back to the Polish man and his best friend.
Over the row about a trailer (it’s ALWAYS about a trailer in these penis removing fights isn’t it!) he was quoted as saying
‘He began hitting me with a chain and then pulled down my trousers and started biting. It was agony’
Really? Agony? Having someone bite down as hard as they can on the little guy would result in agony? Him actually feeling the need to even say that line makes as much sense as the car insurance website I went to and at the end of the online quotation it asked as a final question “So what brought you to the site today?”
A CAR INSURANCE QUOTE YOU IDIOTS! Honestly, what the hell. It’s not going to be because I have a mole on my arse cheek and I want to know how to remove it now is it? Which I don’t have…honestly. Stop it. No.
So there you have it. Car insurance quotes websites ask stupid questions, and you can never be sure when your best mate is going to feel the need to chow down on your joy department. You women are luckier than you realise. Unless of course you are now dating Mr Milczarek of Lesna in South West Poland who is unlikely to be entering in to any sexual relations with a woman anytime this side of death. It is thought he may well be able to get stiff a few hours after death though.
Original news story HERE for those who feel the need. The photo at the top of the page was taken from…erm…hmm…I dunno, I closed Google Images a while ago. Usual rules apply, if it is your photo…congratulations on your sausage photography abilities and ask nicely for me to remove it.
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15 responses so far ↓
1 Tiggy
// Apr 15, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Ahh, I can always rely on this site for hot breaking cock news!
Tiggy’s last blog post..Cubicle Wars
2 Sy
// Apr 15, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Between you and me, the next post is about a bag of crap…really!
3 Musaab
// Apr 15, 2009 at 8:10 pm
LoL.
hmmm, it’s quite the delicacy in those parts…err…so I hear…’honey glazed cheesy todger, extra rare’. Nice.
Musaab’s last blog post..Kids Eat My Money
4 geeebeee
// Apr 15, 2009 at 9:18 pm
That is the grossest looking sausage I’ve ever seen, mate…not that I’ve seen THAT many…don’t look at me like that…enough already…
5 Jen
// Apr 15, 2009 at 10:35 pm
After looking at that picture I don’t think I can read the real story but I have to ask why would another guy bite off his friend’s penis, even just a little bit of it? Isn’t that one of those dude rules that you all live by? “Thou shalt not bite off your best dude’s penis”
6 Sy
// Apr 15, 2009 at 10:35 pm
@Musaab – If you cant have a honey glazed cheesy todger, you may as well go spend some time watching The Wright Stuff. Dude…oversleeping was the best thing you could do! I watched that once. I was off with fake sickness…geez I felt rough at the end!
@GeeeBeee – Yeah, I googled “Half eaten sausage” and thats what came up. I am pretty sure if I googled “Anorexic albino penis” I would have hit the same photo. Now…lets talk about you looking at sausages…
7 Sy
// Apr 15, 2009 at 10:37 pm
@Jen – I have to say, even during the drunken arguments with my best mate, the topic of “I should bite your cock off and swallow it” NEVER came to light. I should probably ask him if he was ever tempted. But then if he said yes, our friendship would end and I would wear a cricket box everywhere.
8 G.
// Apr 16, 2009 at 11:28 am
Ahhhh….low brow cerebral humor at its best.
There is no possible reason I can think of for this person to do what he did, short of him actually needing some.
G.’s last blog post..I’m Sorry, You Listen To Who?
9 Flying Saucer Jones
// Apr 16, 2009 at 11:33 am
That’s a strange way to give a man a bris. Yes, indeed. Why was that knob nibbling another man’s knob?
Flying Saucer Jones’s last blog post..The City of Cranes
10 Sy
// Apr 16, 2009 at 12:57 pm
@ G – You should know to not expect high brow humour round these parts!
@ Mr Jones – Maybe it was jealousy. If he cant use his trailer, he will make a snack out oh him.
11 JD
// Apr 16, 2009 at 4:19 pm
I once lost part of mine over a minor traffic infraction ….
JD’s last blog post..Skype Sex
12 Waldo06
// Apr 16, 2009 at 6:06 pm
How did I know when I saw a picture of a sausage this was about male organs. lol
Waldo06’s last blog post..How to Detect and Remove the Conficker or Downadup Worm from your Computer
13 Sy
// Apr 16, 2009 at 6:49 pm
@JD – Elaborate please! Someone offered a taillight or what??
@Waldo06 – Yeah it was sadly predictable…and it is about all that ever appears on this site, so all in all…epic fail on my behalf!!
14 Mrs T
// Apr 16, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Are you sure that’s a sausage Sy? Cos well I don’t like to say this being a posh gal but it looks like a turd made out of Play Doh. (The white colour obviously – not the blue – before you mention it.)
Well what can I say? This site has given me some valuable tips to keep Mr T under control. I’m not keen on the swallowing though, maybe I could just use one of those cute wine taster dishes.
Obviously, I’ll make sure I have no frozen peas in the house and the tyres are slashed. No point damaging my dentures for a re- stitch.
Mrs T’s last blog post..Experimenting with writing.
15 Sy
// Apr 17, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Certainy Mrs T. It’s “a” sausage, I just cannot confirm that it is indeed an “edible” sausage.
You are not keen on swallowing? I dont know…that’s not quite keeping him under control now is it!!
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