I am back.  After my very long hiatus…ok, so a little over a week…of driving around small country roads on holiday, I return.  I can hear the fanfare in the distance.  Sounds like someone is having a party.  I wish I was invited.  Instead I am writing this for you.  And do you appreciate it?  Infact, does anyone even read it?  I know I wouldn’t.

As a side note before this post, I have an idea for a video post which involves me getting a dolphin and either a penguin or a fish to exchange bodily juices (I mean it!).  If you are interested in watching something like that, let me know in the comments section.  If hardly anyone says yes, I wont bother with the recording it, uploading to YouTube etc etc etc.  But you get to hear my sexy voice talking through the experiment and see my hands do the work of magic!  If that isn’t enough for you…hell…you have issues!  Anyway.  This post.

Let me tell you a story.  A story about a SatNav with issues. (As not to bore you, it is a 2 part post..I know how anything over 600 words per post makes you want to never come back!)

Normally my wife happily sits there with a map and tells me where to go (literally), but it always ends up in arguments.  This was the last one:

Turn left.

No.

You have to turn left!

Look, I can see I have to go straight on.

You are such an arse.

Screw you.  You think you know it all sitting up there on your thrown.

I hate you.  You know that?

At this point my wife butted in and said

When you have finished talking to yourself, I will let you know where you need to be!

It wasn’t working out too well for me.  So I decided for this journey I would buy a SatNav.

I bought Travis the SatNav for the long drive.  Well, we called him Travis (doesn’t everyone name every item they buy?) because he could be TravNav.  I was in two minds because being a male, I have issues in asking for directions from other men, but if I ask a woman, I feel belittled. 

So with a gentle push of his buttons, I turned him on (not like that) and started our journey heading 350 miles north.  A while in to the journey my wife turned to me and said “You know that Travis has a female voice; right?”

Bugger.

So at the next stop I went in to the settings and selected a new voice.  Hmmm…so I can choose Heather or Susan?  Well Heather has been talking to me, and she sounds quite hot….hang on…no male voice?  But Travis is a He.  I think.  I mean, I didn’t actually check for the existence of a telltale package, but he looked like a he!

So I opted for Heather.  You know, coz I know 1 Heather (Locklear…yummy!) and a few Susan’s, but none of them meet the delicious Ms Locklear’s talents.

Travis was still called Travis.  He just sounded a little Un-Travislike.

A while later I decided to listen to Susan.

It was the same voice.

So I now have a SatNav called Travis with a female voice, but it’s alter-ego is the same voice but a different name.  Confused?  I bloody was!

It turns out that Travis, or whatever the hell name it has, also has the same issues…the next post will reveal all.

Excited?  No, I wouldn’t be either.  But humour me will you!

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