I have become that which I hate. That which most people hate. I have become an “Oh…you are one of those…you should do this instead. It is WAY better for you” people.
You know how an ex-smoker is the worst of the non-smokers? For us “never smoked” awesome types, smoking is seen as a mild annoyance done by people who aren’t quite as ugly as me and feel that putting something in their mouth, setting fire to it and sucking on it like a lolly is..well…it doesn’t matter. Unless of course you are one of those “OH MY GOD! A SMOKER!” types who see smokers in the same light as I see vegetarians. Yeah, those naughty vegetarians and their carrot munching wrongness. It is wrong. Plain and simple. And disgusting. And it only makes you sexually attractive to donkeys. Sorry…where was I? Oh yeah…ex smokers. They will tell all the smokers why they shouldn’t, how bad it is blah de blah de blah.
Or the ex-drinkers. So OK, these are the worst of the “ex” list because honestly, why would ANYONE want to give up drinking? It makes no sense at all. I would rather make my pet rabbit watch the film “Halloween 3″ than give up drinking. Which if you haven’t seen it…please don’t. I mean holy hell…it is supposed to be a horror. It really is. I am so scared I might have to lose 90 minutes of my life watching it again one day that I have poked my eyeballs out and have placed them in a bowl of sweet Thai chilli sauce. What a crock of crap.
There are plenty others. Ex druggies, anyone who finds religion (I mean really…) and even ex sex addicts (Please…someone explain to me why ANYONE would check themselves in to some clinic because they enjoy sex in an effort to have less. You want less sex? Just get married!. There is no such thing as just too much. You know…unless they are a nun. Or Joseph Merrick. Yeah that dude should have never considered such an addiction.) and the many others.
But me?
I have become one of those “You should work out more!” types.
Since I decided to take up this exercising malarkey, I have become one of those obnoxious pretentious idiots that thinks that you should do more exercise. Don’t eat that bacon sarnie, lets go for a run. Put down that cigarette and lets go for a run. Stop praying, lets go for a run. I don’t know where Mecca is, so lets go for a run. Take that needle out of your arm and lets go for a run. Your nose is decomposing from the coke…lets go for a run. You want to have MORE sex? Fine. But once we are finished we are going out for a run. Don’t watch Halloween 3… If you press play, you better run.
Do I want an alcoholic drink? Absolutely. We can go for a run tomorrow.
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18 responses so far ↓
1 Static
// Nov 2, 2009 at 2:54 am
I wonder if donkeys are sexually attracted to nonsmokers and vegetarians?
Static´s last blog ..Swine Flu and You
2 Sy
// Nov 2, 2009 at 4:14 am
I think they are attracted to nonsmoking vegetarians. And nuns.
3 Static
// Nov 2, 2009 at 5:01 am
Aren’t those the same things?
Static´s last blog ..Swine Flu and You
4 Sy
// Nov 2, 2009 at 5:03 am
I guess they dont eat meat…so yeah, technically you are right!
5 Tami
// Nov 2, 2009 at 5:06 am
LOL! I can’t believe you’ve become “one of them”…Damn, I should have bet money. :/
Tami´s last blog ..Detrimental Relationship Patterns. Working toward resolution, Part 2
6 Sy
// Nov 2, 2009 at 5:41 am
Yup. It makes me feel dirty all over! How did it happen.
7 G
// Nov 2, 2009 at 11:33 am
Them??
AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Run away!
G´s last blog ..Shooting Suburbia: September ‘09
8 Tami
// Nov 3, 2009 at 2:09 am
Well..that stated…I’m awfully proud of you!
Tami´s last blog ..Detrimental Relationship Patterns. Working toward resolution, Part 2
9 Sy
// Nov 3, 2009 at 2:34 am
It is honestly horrible. I run 6-10K a night apart from Sundays when I run 12-15k and then am doing races too. It makes no sense. Where is unhealthy Sy? I miss him. I should drink more!
10 bamer.
// Nov 5, 2009 at 4:59 am
running? not for everyone. drinking on the other hand. . . well, i too can’t say that i understand why anyone would not want to drink. and this coming from the mouth of a so-called “ex-drinker”. . . who does in fact support the mass-consumption of alcohol – just not my own. which means more booze for rest of you, and so yes, you should drink more. (p.s. thanks for the post.)
11 Sy
// Nov 5, 2009 at 7:42 pm
You are an ex-drinker? How is that working out for you? Although the fact that you support the mass consumption of alcohol, makes you the most almost-normal person I know!
12 Static
// Nov 6, 2009 at 1:08 am
And now, a divertive tactic: Smoking omnivorous drunken priests!
Now there’s a mindfuck for ya.
Static´s last blog ..Halloween Countdown: 16 Days: Count Wussula
13 bamer.
// Nov 10, 2009 at 3:06 am
contrary to my prior assumptions, the not-drinking thing is workin’ out for me. at least it is today, and has been for the last 4.5 years . . .though i’ll admit, when proposed the hypothetical question: “hey, if you could take a pill that would cure your alcoholism (i.e. make me not-alcoholic-anymore), would you take it?” i usually respond: “yes. because then i could drink all the time.” (which would, in any case, make me . .well, an alcoholic.)
bamer.´s last blog ..its a beautiful day for a website.
14 Sy
// Nov 12, 2009 at 1:05 pm
So if they were to make a pill that stopped the alcoholism…AND they added a lil something extra in there that would stop…ohh…say…the inability to perform (as a man obviously) after drinking too much, how awesome would that be! OK, so I am not sure about the last bit and not being able to perform…is that a real thing? You know…I said too much already.
15 Whitney
// Nov 16, 2009 at 12:53 am
this post made me laugh so hard my boose almost came out my nose. (almost).
i love this though, im the same way. healthiest nut out there, always exercising and eating like a rabbit and staying regular… But then im always the drunk girl at the club that gets kicked out after 30 minutes. didnt even make it past 20 on halloween. It took a team of three 200 pound bouncers to catch me tho!
16 Mikiye Creations
// Nov 17, 2009 at 2:20 am
HOLY COW!
I no idea you ran that much and on a regular basis!
My knees just can’t take running…6-10K a night?!
Damn!
I know I’ve been gone a while but I guess there will be no more pudgy remarks made by you anymore!
Mikiye Creations´s last blog ..Todays Gift Giving Fabulous Find: Cabled Coffee Cozie in Cranberry Red
17 Mikiye Creations
// Nov 17, 2009 at 2:22 am
OR… is it just how you get out of the house for some “alone time” these days?
Mikiye Creations´s last blog ..Todays Gift Giving Fabulous Find: Cabled Coffee Cozie in Cranberry Red
18 Sy
// Nov 29, 2009 at 12:35 am
Sorry for being so rubbish in replying to these comments!
@Whitney – Hey Whitney! Drunk AND fast? That is a recipe for…well…a damn good bit of fun really!
@Mikiye – Mikiyeeeeee! Yeah, I run WAY too much. Training for a marathon too…so hey…bring me the pain! But is it great for giving me some “alone time” though. Well, apart from the rain that seems to follow me recently…
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