A few days back, I attended a funeral. Not the first one I have been to…and being that I am still alive, certainly not the last one I will go to. Every cloud and all that.
On the drive home, I did some reflecting (I was too busy listening to the music during the funeral to reflect then like I was supposed to). And thought long and hard about something that was said during the service. Thinking during the drive home made the most sense as my wife and child were in the car, it was pissing it down with rain, the car was aquaplaning all over the place, so it made sense to get lost in my thoughts and not pay any attention to the road while driving too fast. Luckily we all made it home in one piece, although my underwear was a little on the stained side.
Anyway. What I was reflecting on during the drive was that in every funeral I have been to (not many…you know, I am not some serial funeral goer to..er or something weird) the same line was said. And I wonder if it happens at every funeral. The line was “…was loved by everyone”.
OK, so I am not too sure if it is mentioned on death row or anything because I am quietly confident that the average serial killer is maybe not so loved by everybody. But regardless…I had a thought about it and realised mine has to be different. Maybe a few truths instead of the standard lines. Not that the standard lines are lies…you know..before you think I am being horrible about the dearly departed amongst us.
Instead of the “Sy was loved by everyone” line, I am thinking I could have:
Sy liked to wear socks when his feet were cold.
He was also not overly loved all of the time.
At times, his wife wanted to shove a mildly hot poker in a place that isn’t his mouth. For those in the audience too stupid, we mean in his arse. She found him annoying. Selfish. Arrogant. A bit of a twat. At times, he wished to flush one of his cats down the toilet when it cleaned it’s arse while sitting by his head…but never had an issue with using the cat to scratch his own arse. He would eat his daughters yoghurt’s…but only the ones she really likes…because they are also the ones he really likes. He would then tell his wife that she had eaten all 6 yoghurt’s that day. Being a young child who couldn’t talk, she could not defend herself. The world will be a better place without him. Although cadburys may find that their profits go down because he ate so much chocolate.
We wont miss the bitter idiot.
Fair? I dunno. If you don’t know me well…it’s all lies I tell you! If you know me well…sod off. You aren’t welcome around this post.
In unrelated news, I just had a large coffee. Yeah I get that you didn’t need to know that. I just like to share. It is important in life.
© 2010, Sy. All rights reserved.
on 
13 responses so far ↓
1 Mrs T
// Mar 3, 2010 at 10:37 am
Right, Young Master Sy you have to write your own obiturary for your funeral and put it in your will! I’ve been planning to do that for ages..cos well I want to go out laughing! None of that serious stuff (except for the buffet obviously) just a few cracking jokes and a knees up…..
On another point..you eat your daughter’s yogurts? You mean the ones with “No bits”? Man, is that cruel. I never did anything like that:)
.-= Mrs T´s last blog ..In Pursuit of Excellence =-.
2 G
// Mar 3, 2010 at 11:25 am
Right.
When you pass away, that will be the week that I’ll make my first overseas trip, just so I can deliver that wonderfully composed heartfelt eulogy in person for you.
Because, that’s what friends are for.
.-= G´s last blog ..Mastering The Art Of Recalibration =-.
3 Lohla
// Mar 3, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Ahaha you’re too funny Sy, I discovered your blog not long ago and I’m starting to read it on a regular basis, your posts are really enlightening about stuff people usually don’t mention =D
So yeah, Hi from France !
4 Flying Saucer Jones
// Mar 4, 2010 at 10:25 am
This would be the perfect opportunity to educate people:
Sy was a mammal. His foot bone was connected to the…
.-= Flying Saucer Jones´s last blog ..Happy Birthday, Master Builder =-.
5 Sy
// Mar 4, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Write a will?? I dont have time to write on this tinpot site! When will I get around to writing something as unimportant as a will!!
And yes…I HAVE to eat the yoghurts or else they go out of date…and she has chocolate ones!! mmmm!!!
@G – Thanks dude! Very much appreciated. Coz I think my wife and family will be busy doing other stuff. I have a feeling you will be delivering it to yourself. I am so unloved. *sniff*
@Lohla – Welcome! Yeah, so was that your way of saying “Sy…you write some weird crap…but it is OK, we kinda like it!”? I think it was. But that is OK! So where in France!?! If you ever find yourself in the south of England, dont run me over. You can buy me a coffee instead.
@Mr Jones – Holy crap dude…I laughed out loud in the middle of the office!!! Still laughing now!!
6 Phil T McNasty
// Mar 4, 2010 at 8:46 pm
When you do die, I hope you write about here, and I will write a short eulogy for you in this comment section. I will say only nice things like:
“Sy, he exhaled carbon dioxide, which is good for plants.”
7 Kelly
// Mar 6, 2010 at 11:17 pm
Well it’s a lot better than saying the boring old line… “I’m buried upside down so the whole world can kiss my ass”.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Seasonal Affective Disorder and Other Maladies =-.
8 Sami
// Mar 10, 2010 at 3:52 am
agreed to the last part too… COFFEE is important in life. its just that it was totally totally irrelevant with the post.
.-= Sami´s last blog ..PAGE FROM A DIARY =-.
9 BothEyesShut
// Mar 16, 2010 at 5:38 pm
Hi, Sy,
You’re ridiculous.
What are you doing? What have you done? Put this blog away and stop this asininity tout de suite and on a dime.
Stop the wheel and bury the hamster. What is this, I don’t even. . .
All My Best,
-BothEyes
.-= BothEyesShut´s last blog ..O’ War! War! O’ Elegant, Heavenly War! =-.
10 Marvinsmagic
// Mar 19, 2010 at 3:19 pm
‘loved by everyone’ probably just has a better ring to it than ‘loved by a few people’, or ‘a bit unliked by most’… but totally get where you’re coming from – will start thinking about my own now…!!!!!!
11 Dave Freer
// Mar 21, 2010 at 9:49 am
You need to post more often because I need to laugh more often. Yes, it’s all about me, really.
.-= Dave Freer´s last blog ..The March of Zucchini =-.
12 David @ Cat Scratch Fever
// Apr 4, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Haha, nice post. I would hate to imagine what might be read at my funeral if they were brutally honest. Although I must say that I agree with you and I have even been a bit annoyed at how people really outright lie about the person once they are gone and make them out to be someone they really weren’t.
13 Ruby
// Feb 9, 2011 at 9:43 am
I can’t get enough of your blogs but they’re causing me a waterworks problem. I use up a box of tissues and a package of depends every time I go to your site.
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