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All I want for Lent is to give up.

February 18th, 2015 · No Comments

It is that time of the year again. No, not where I start up this site again, I don’t have the time for that. This was ghost written in 2011 and set to post today. But the other time of year. Lent. Also known as AnotherreligiousthingthatIdontcareaboutbutIhatetomissapartysoIwanttotakepart or on twitter it is known as #attentionseeking but that is something altogether different.

Anyway. Yeah, Lent. Stupid name. Stupid idea. If you want to give something up you like then you are an idiot. You like it…SO DO IT. I don’t like being repeatedly kicked in the balls. Should this happen, I will attempt to stop it. Just the crazy way I work. But why on earth would we give up something we like, unless it is class A drugs and destroying our lives? “Chocolate…yes I will give up chocolate for howeverlonglentgoesonfor”. Man up! Anyone can do that. But why would you want to? Chocolate is good. Stop eating chocolate and you will lose weight. Lose weight and you will no longer fit in your clothes.

See what happened there? Religion kicked you in the teeth. Cost you money to buy new clothes. What god would want that?

So give up something bad. Personally, I am giving up work. I don’t like it (work). I don’t want it (work, kick in the balls, lava on the nipples). I don’t need it (I do…I will go find another work thing). So I am going to do it. Because apparently god wants me to. Why? Because his son is cross and will come back if I do it. It so says the Wikipedia page. Or at least my take on an insanely boring wikipedia page where they used words which had an overtly sexual undertone to discuss Lent. Words like:

Period of six weeks – I won’t lie, I am leaving the house for quite some time during this.

Pious customs – does it come with cream?

Self denial – She wont sleep with me because I am too good for her.

The station of the cross – I assume this happens during the period of six weeks.

Traditional abstention from the consumption of meat – So you are married then.

Baptism – Staring at…well, you know.

Stabat Mater – If you are desperate, don’t use a black sock.

Endured temptation by the devil – Thursday night down the Lamb and Flag then.

I could go on, but you get the idea. I never knew Western Christianity was so full of perverts. Well, not without reading the news anyway.

I have no idea where I was going with this post. Oh yeah…

So yes. Don’t give up something you like. That isn’t showing willing to your god. That is pulling your trousers down and him deciding if to clap or point and laugh and upload a photo to his Facebook account. Yes I know. I used a capital F for Facebook and a capital W for Wikipedia but lowercase g for god. What does that tell you? Absolutely nothing. You should know how shallow I am. Hell, I could upload a drawing I made of my favourite deity but then might get death threats…nobody likes the devil afterall.

© 2015, Sy. All rights reserved.


Tags: General Madness