I guess what I am trying to say, is that I am a touch BORED.  When I say touch, I mean I have a hand the size of one of those comedy foam hands which I am using to touch, so I am very very bored.  Why am I bored?  Do you even care?  Well let me explain in 600 words or less.

It is Saturday.  I am at work.  It is sunny outside.  I cannot leave my desk.

Hmm.  Did that in less then 20 words.  Well, I may as well use up a few more.

OK, I CAN leave my desk, but I can’t.  If I do, I will go a wandering through the terminal (for the uninitiated, I work at an airport).  Nothing unusual there.  But then, there is the small issue of an airline going the way of the confident Christmas turkey who challenges the farmer to see who is the bigger man.  It was a short battle.  It took a lot longer to cook “gobbles the turkey”.

Because of said airline going kaplonk, there are news crews about.  And I have a little pass that hangs around my neck which means I am an easy target.  There is also the occasional pissed off traveller. 

All of this has screw all to do with me, but people don’t see it like that.  So I am hiding. 

I hide from the passengers normally anyway, because I am an IT man.  I am not even remotely interested on where billy can go to see the planes take off.  Or where you check in for XYZ airline.  Big signs people.  Big signs.  Follow them.  Life will become fulfilled.

But the news crews.  I don’t need that.  I don’t need them saying “Oh wow…look at that hunk!  Lets interview him about ANYTHING!”. 

OK, so that has not actually happened yet. And by “yet”, I mean “is about as likely as the words ‘Sy from The Wheel is Turning but the Hamster is Dead’ ‘Angelina Jolie’ ‘industrial sized tub of peanut butter (smooth)’ and ‘she was caught covered in, while Sy took Polaroids between mouthfulls and did the happy chicken dance’ appearing in the same sentence”.

Nope.  Instead, last night I fell asleep listening to my iPod and I think some “self confidence” album came on.  Just after the “be a better woman” album which has given me a whole new outlook on life.  An outlook I need as much as being told that the words in the previous paragraph are never going to happen. 

Boy did I ever wake up confused.  This morning I couldn’t decide if I should have my hair down, up, ponytail…just what would look good in the red t-shirt which accentuates my dark brown eyes which took me 45 minutes to choose? (not my eyes.  The t-shirt. ) All this time I didn’t even realise I shave my head and therefore there is no hair to “model”.

Of course, I still need to find out just how the self help stuff got on my iPod.  I am thinking terrible joke by my wife.  But the last laugh will be on her.  She will learn to never piss off a woman!  Or indeed a man who had a terrible mishap with the self help albums.

I should probably write about the professor who thinks all kids should go to magic school.  Maybe next time.  I need to do my nails.  Or listen to the “Be a bigger man” album.  Sponsored by Viagra I believe.

There you go. 587 words.

© 2008, Sy. All rights reserved.