Well it didn’t take long for more candidates for the list to be sent to the stupid person island to appear. Loading up the boat this week are:
“GREENbin – New Collection Service for Garden Waste” the front page ad of the local freebie newspaper shouts at me with excitement when I read it.
Wow. The words send a tingly feeling of excitement that I haven’t felt since I was 11 when I stood on a rusty nail and had an injection in my behind by an attractive nurse while my hormones sent me a bright red colour and gave off as much sweat as a 5 mile run.
A GREENbin don’t you say?! And that is JUST for garden waste! How cool. The local council won’t normally take that for us. Just one slight issue. These GREENbin‘s are to stand alongside the current bins we have for our standard rubbish for when Mr Refuse Collector comes and takes away the rubbish.
Our current bins are green. Dark green actually. Infact, the exact same colour as the new bins.
I need a new job. One like the genius who decided to use the same colour bins. I want to give him this message – Those that are colour blind think you are a saviour. The rest of us think you are really stupid.
But that is just the thing isn’t it. Those geniuses run our County, Country, Lives. You just cannot escape them. Even pets get the stupid treatment. “Roasted meaty pieces!” is plastered on the front of the cat food box. It then goes on to tell us why our cat will love us more for it.
Roasted? Of course it is. Because in the wild, it is well known that a tiger will catch a boar and then stick it on a fire until medium rare. Meanwhile, it will lay down a nice blanket, and have cookies and milk with the other tigers while the Lions talk about the game of catch they had with a monkey at the weekend.
I think that if I put down a bowl of roasted cat food, and then let Zorro the parrot out of his cage, I will still see the same bowl of food there in an hour. Zorro on the otherhand will be having claw to paw combat to try to save his life fighting off a drooling cat.
Then there is the birthday card I bought for a friend. Because it is customary to buy stupid cards rather then sensible ones, I got one which said “You are 2” with a dinosaur with googly eyes on it. On the back of the card was the statement “Not suitable for children under 5”. That is really going to ruin a birthday isn’t it! “Hello small child thing. I got you a card, but you can’t have it for another few years. Sorry!” So they designed a card you can’t actually give to the child???
Perhaps they also designed the crackers which read “Do not pull towards you”. I found pushing the cracker together at each end makes the expected bang to be somewhat nonexistent…and you can’t get the crappy joke, toy and paper hat designed for a rabbit to escape.
I wonder if these people are overdosing on the vitamin tablets you can buy. They are the ones that give you 800% RDA of vitamin C and a huge load more other vitamins which mean when you pee, it looks like you are playing with a light saber from Star Wars. But they tell you not to take more then 1 a day. Why? Because taking 800% more then the recommended RDA is OK, but any more then that might kill you? I don’t get it.
I have a feeling we are going to run out of space very soon on the stupid person island. But on the plus side, with so many people moving there, the property prices are going through the roof. I might have to sell my apartment at StupidVille Heights.
Note – Talking of stupid people, maybe Blogger, Blogspot, my Mum, Google…or whoever the hell owns this platform will get the spellchecker fixed one day. I hate having to actually look at what I am writing and then proof read it, and then spellcheck it, and then wonder if anyone actually likes this stuff – although the spellchecker can’t tell me that one.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 