There is no such thing as a “healthy food”. No matter what all these so called experts say. I know this because *I* am an expert and know more then everyone else. This is a well known fact because someone once said to me “you know everything don’t you”. I ignored the sarcastic undertones and the look of “your such an idiot” that she had on her face, and took just the words. It’s all about the words!!
I hate vegetables, with the small but not limited exception of the likes of potatoes. Therefore eating vegetables are not healthy for me. Why? Well, because they make me want to empty my stomach in to the toilet. They make me feel ill. Thus, not healthy. After doing some of my usual stellar investigation which involves deciding in my head rather then really looking in to it, I can tell you that your body rejects what is not good for it.
But when it comes to the food at the place I work, it is more then likely to stop my heart rather then stop my hunger at some point. I work at a big place. Thousands of employees. So understandably, they cater for that many people. So why is it that the other day, food actually walked itself on to my plate in the interest of ending it’s sorry life by being eaten? Because hardly anyone will eat there. I do though. I do because I like the not knowing how much longer I have to live. It is like playing russian roulette with mash potato. And also because I am scared the food (I use the term loosley) will find out that I am eating elsewhere.
The health inspectors wanted to shut it down, but cant get close enough. On entering the premises, the sausages launched a sneak attack and the eggs created a slippery surface they couldnt pass. Meanwhile, what was left of the rest of the dried up cow crap (aka food) jumped on the back of the sahara roast beef joint and legged it to get changed in to something more appealing. By the time the inspectors made it through, the food looked almost edible in its new clothing. Once they left, off came the new clothing and back came the rancid mess.
So I started taking lunch to work. Those pesky sausages actually did a commando jump from the air vent in my office, stole it and held it to ransom.
Is it really too much to ask that they cook food which is OK for human consumption? Apparently yes.
I am now going to go underground before the sausages come looking for me. Wish me luck.
By the way, I took photos of the food so you know I am not making this up. In the first picture, I am only holding the 1 sausage. The others felt a need to stick together and end their sorry life together. In the other picture, it is tomatoes I believe. Click the image for a higher res copy. Enjoy, I know I didn’t.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 