It is quite a sad news story to be honest. They want to cull Elephants in South Africa because there are too many of them. This is understandable. Africa is just a small island after all (once you take away the whole “it is huge with wide empty spaces” bit. There are also too many homeless people in England. Should we cull them too? And sick people! Yeah, lets create a master race!
But they have decided that they should look in to contraceptives for Elephants. What a great idea. What next I wonder?
Just how do you put a contraceptive on an elephant anyway? I for one have no urge to walk up to a randy elephant and say “Hey there big guy. Mind if I just slip this bin-liner on you?” This is for 2 reasons. 1 - Elephants are not going to enjoy the act of stopping to put on a condom. 2 – The idea of getting that close to a randy elephant scares the living hell out of me. What if he is one of those elephants with premature ejaculation? If I want a shower, I will take one in the bathroom. With water. And soap. Yes I know every bloke has used the line “it is good for your skin!” at some point or another, but this is an elephant we are talking about! A person could drown!
Or do you give the contraception to the female elephant? I cannot see her wanting to take a pill everyday. At the same time. Day in day out. She doesn’t even have a watch to start with. So not only do you have to teach them to take a pill everyday, you have to buy them a watch and teach them to tell the time! And to use those hoofing great feet of theirs to open a foil packet to get a pill out! Where do they store them too? They don’t have a handbag.
They seriously have not thought this out! But I would like to see the person who decided it is OK to cull them being the one to put the condom on the elephant. To test it out so to speak. Oh, and make sure the human is dressed in a girl elephant costume. And spray that person with female elephant pheromones. And lock them in a cage. And point a video camera at the cage so I can watch, point and laugh at the result.
Is it time to cull the stupid people instead of sending them to the overpopulated stupid island?
Oh. And in the same new story is the line:
“And he said culling – an option which will become available from 1 May – was only being adopted after consultation “with all shades of opinion”.”
All shades of opinion? I dunno. Is that a racist remark? I honestly don’t know how to take that!
The image is of an elephant condom. My Google search history is frankly scary to look at!!
© 2008, Sy. All rights reserved.
on 
11 responses so far ↓
1 Tamera
// Feb 28, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Ewwww! What an icky icky, morbid thought! They better pay the blokes that have to do the job, well. Can you imagine elephant-condom-putter-on’ers going on strike for better working conditions? HA! I would imagine they would have to be shift-workers…because one can never know when the mood hits?
You reel out posts quicker than a young whipper-snapper with a wedgie. How DO you think of all of these things? Oh yeah, a lot of stupid people out there…Duh!
2 Sy
// Feb 28, 2008 at 4:35 pm
I have to say, I won’t be going for the role of putter-on’er. That has a certain level of wrong which is…erll…wrong. It is definately a 24×7 operation isnt it!! Nothing like being woken up at 3am to strap on a condom to an elephant is there!
I am posting a fair bit. I should probably slow down. But there are sooooo many stupid people in this world that everytime I open BBC news I see one. I don’t even go looking for it!!
3 Tamera
// Feb 28, 2008 at 5:24 pm
You sound like my husband. He shares the same views on stupid-people…haha…I’m used to it.
4 Sy
// Feb 28, 2008 at 5:37 pm
I see a lot more that I could post about, but the idea is to put humor in to it and some I just cant! Like the greenpeace one. I just hate them enough to write about them though!!! What do they expect? There latest rant is about the company I work for!
5 Mimzie
// Feb 28, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Let me know where Stupid Island is, I have a few people I need to drop off.
6 Sy
// Feb 28, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Absolutely! I should have another batch going fairly soon, so bring em over and we can throw em on. Silly to make 2 trips when I have space on this boat!
7 don
// Feb 29, 2008 at 1:14 am
They’re going about this the wrong way. Encourage the Elephants to have more children. That will effectively end their sex-life. It worked for me.
8 Sy
// Feb 29, 2008 at 1:16 am
My first one is on it’s way. I hear what you are saying!!
9 Rose
// Feb 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I sure would not want to be the person to have to out a condom on an Elephant. Have you ever been to thespoof.com This post reminds me of a post there. ”
See- http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s3i30582
Quoting from the story
I guess the rubber broke and there is no way we should be held responsible. We shall be taking legal action against the condom manufacturer.”"
10 Jane Turley
// Mar 3, 2008 at 12:33 am
Eee Gads Sy… you’ve totally confused me; I thought baby elephants arrived via The Stork. You mean they actually “Do it”?
The next thing you’ll be telling me is that they can’t fly….
11 Sy
// Mar 3, 2008 at 12:46 am
@Rose – Top story!!! I think I will be a regular to that site!!! So do the Elephants get them free from the health service? They better not…they do not pay tax.
@Jane – Jane Jane Jane…of course Elephants can fly! And some are pink! And if you take the green pills for enough days, you can even take a ride on the elephant. Happy Mothers Day by the way.
Leave a Comment