Today was Mothers Day in the UK. I know that most of the world have it on the 11th May, but how is this my issue if you can’t get it right. Or is it some ploy to watch us have it and then you remember it in May? Like some big build up? The burning question to this is Do I care? The answer is Oranges.
But regardless of who is right (we are) and who isn’t (that is you then), it was Mothers Day today. Which meant I invited said Mother over for dinner and decided to make a chicken dish with some other stuff on the side. So I went and bought a chicken. It was not a happy chicken.
I am not going to lie to you. I was having trouble coming to terms with having to murder a chicken. So therefore I was left with a live chicken running about the place being chased by the cat with me wondering how to cook it, until the time came for the decision to be made.
I opted for the “bung it in a hot place until cooked” option as this has never failed me in the past. So do I put it in whole and alive or do I choke it to death first? I decided that choking my chicken in front of my Mum would be too much of an uncomfortable experience for both her and me, and would only delay making dinner. Therefore I lobbed the chicken in the oven.
About 10 minutes in, a loud bang was heard and a big flash came from the oven followed by the fan slowing down and not much in the way of heat coming from the oven. I am not sure what happened in the there, but the chicken was knocking on the glass asking to come out while holding a wrench. I do believe this may have been a little “Chicken self preservation”. I knew I should have choked it first.
So there you have it. You can’t trust a live chicken with a toolkit, and sometimes it may be better to choke it in front of your mother. This will show her you are a real man, and dinner may actually happen. Just wash your hands OK?
In other news, the oven died while cooking dinner today. We got takeaway. No chickens were harmed in the writing of this story. The thing was already choked, plucked, cleaned and stuffed when I bought it.
© 2008, Sy. All rights reserved.
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12 responses so far ↓
1 Tamera
// Mar 3, 2008 at 2:07 am
Whew. You was a scarin’ me for a minute! Did you still have to wash your hands?
2 Sy
// Mar 3, 2008 at 2:20 am
Yup. Made sure they were always nice and clean while touching food stuffs. I can’t go giving my Mum the illusion I am an uncouth idiot. Well, I guess I mean confirm that I am.
3 Rose
// Mar 3, 2008 at 2:54 am
Why are you buying someone’s choked chicken? You are a weird man. lol
Mother’s day! That explains why someone told me Happy Mother’s day
4 Elizabeth
// Mar 3, 2008 at 3:56 am
You finally moved to a new mansion he he he ..
5 Gareth
// Mar 3, 2008 at 11:25 am
You’ll have to spoil your wife next year, as she’ll be a mother by this time next year!
Hope everything is going well.
6 Pat
// Mar 3, 2008 at 2:16 pm
And I’m the mummy who lived to tell the tale!!!!!
7 Sy
// Mar 3, 2008 at 2:19 pm
@Rose – Well it just saved me time choking it myself! The universal language of “doing things to yourself” is a great thing!!
@Elizabeth – Yup. Allll moved in. And even starting to look like a real site! All I have to do now is encourage Blogspot to forward properly and we are sorted! But they wont. Because they are rubbish.
@Gareth – She got a card this year! Typical that Mothers Day is so close to my birthday. I can’t get a Tee that says “It is all about meeeee!” on it. But yeah, everything is going well. Next scan in 22 days. Hoping it will uncross it’s legs and tell us what it is. But it is my kid. It will be wearing a lead outfit. I hope Gemma is enjoying it the second time around!
8 Sy
// Mar 3, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Huh. Well lookie there. My own Mum posted on the site. No bad language please. She effing hates that effing stuff. Effing hell…I hope no one swears.
9 Tamera
// Mar 3, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Hi Mom, Pat!
10 Rose
// Mar 4, 2008 at 3:20 am
Hello Pat, Sy’s Mommy.
11 Pat
// Mar 5, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Hi Tamera, hi Rose, I don’t know…….my son telling everyone not to swear in case I see it, I must be deaf when I’m in his company then!!!!! No….not true really.
But its my baby boys 33rd birthday today, so shall we all sing to him!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SIMON, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
I still don’t know the other four verses Sy!
12 Si
// Mar 5, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Here’s one of the missing verses:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey and smell like one too.
(and not a swear word in sight)
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