I always knew there was something shifty about Winnie the Pooh. He has shifty eyes, and there is something not quite right about him. The way he carried himself, and the posse he hung around with. I guess this story was always going to happen. And now it has.
About a year ago he got arrested for stealing honey. You can read more HERE. (NOT pictured in the news article is a picture of police with taser guns to apprehending him) He had been on a trip to Macedonia on a thieving rampage of honey stealing from a farmer who he obviously took a grudge to. What is not mentioned in the news story is where who his accomplices are. We all know. Piglet was always going to grow up to be the brawn of the outfit. He would have taken care of the bee’s while Pooh stole the honey. Tigger would be on lookout and Eeyore is just stupid. Winnie the Pooh escaped custody along with his accomplices and vanished.
I managed to track down the crack honey stealing outfit and got a rare interview with Winnie the Pooh. Gang leader and Honey munching bear.
Sy: Thank you for your time and allowing me to interview you today Winnie.
WtP: *chowing down on honey* uh-huh. Get on with it. I have a hot date with Eeyore later.
Sy: OK. Touchy. So. What made you steal the honey?
WtP: Well you see it is like this. With rising honey prices and the fact that Disney don’t pay me to work for them anymore now that this fancy “CGI” stuff is available, I landed on hard times. They even have someone else do the voice-overs instead of me for the “CGI”. I was dropped like a handful of cat sick.
Sy: And this was a reason to go in to theft and not get a day job like the rest of us?
WtP: Oh yeah, I could of. But do I look like some sap doing a 9-5 job? Do I look like MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice? No I don’t. I am Winnie the Pooh. I deserved better. But because of the beekeeper “Zoran Kiseloski”, the price of honey was getting higher and higher. And with the HEA (Honey Enforcement Agency) stopping all the black market honey coming through, someone had to teach him a lesson. What good is a life threatening addiction if you cannot actually get the goods for a reasonable price after all? I taught him good and well. He will think twice before messing with honey prices again now he lost so much.
Sy: Will you fight the extradition order of the Macedonian government should they find out where you are?
WtP: *laughing* Yeah whatever. What chance do they have really? I ate most of their money making economy. Like they can afford to fight to have me extradited!
Sy: Indeed. So Mr Pooh, what plans are there moving forward? Obviously a trip to Macedonia is off of the cards.
WtP: I have a few ideas moving forward. I have an idea for a cartoon about some animals that escape from New York Zoo. No one has done anything like that before, so I have a great angle on it. There will be a crack group of penguins, and a giraffe and Hippo etc. I think it will work out well. They will be trying to get to another country. I won’t say too much more as I do not want the idea stolen. But keep your eyes peeled!
Sy: Thanks for your time, and good luck in your venture.
WtP: Thank you. *calls to Eeyore* I am finished with this idiot now. Get your glad rags on and lets hit town!
That was nice of him to insult me in front of my face. So I have written a letter to the Macedonian government telling them he is in 100 Aker Woods. Of course, if you want to maybe get some payback on your own for rising honey prices because of his unlawful invasion of Iraq Macedonia, you know where to find him.
I am expecting to get a cease and desist letter from Disney for this one!
on 
12 responses so far ↓
1 Anca
// Mar 14, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Wow! I think this is the best story I read from you so far! It’s so funny and witty. You really have a talent. BTW, I’ve never seen a Winnie-The-Pooh cartoon, I have no idea who Piglet and Eeyore are. But I have seen Madagascar
2 Sy
// Mar 14, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Ahh yeah, you have to go back about 6 posts and these were what I used to do. Find some crazy news article and write a completel fictional article around it.
You arent missing anything with WtP. Trust me. But Madagascar…2nd only to Over the Hedge!
3 Anca
// Mar 14, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Liked over the hedge too…and Shrek, and Ratatouille, and many others. (animation fan)
I wanted to ask you, are you doing the thing were people tell you some words and you write a story on a regular basis? I think it’s very interesting and maybe you should advertise for that ?
4 Tamera
// Mar 14, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Well, yet another potential children’s book. Sy, you need to write an adventure fairy-tale child’s book…and, get someone to illustrate it. You think I’m kiddin’.
5 don
// Mar 15, 2008 at 12:36 am
Has anyone seen Christopher Robin lately? Considering the nature of a lot of his ‘playmates’, it might be a good idea to get the police to run the dogs through the 100 Aker Woods.
Bet its not just honey on the menu.
6 Tamera
// Mar 15, 2008 at 2:24 am
LOL, don!
7 Mikiye Creations
// Mar 15, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Oh My Gosh!
THIS MADE ME CRACK UP!!!!
HILARIOUS!
8 Sy
// Mar 15, 2008 at 11:50 pm
@Anca – Animation is always my favourite. Way more imagination goes in to those films then others!!
I will do more stories if people give me the words. I could write stories off my own back, but that takes the fun away from people giving me challenging words to work with!
@Tamera – An adventure fairy tale. I would not have the first clue where to start! Writing a post is one thing, but writing a book…I dunno…not sure I have that imagination in me! Plus writing it for a set age group may be a little beyond my abilities!
@Don – Hmmm. You mean that’s not chicken in your chichen chow mein don’t you. Although he was a little “whiny” at times, so maybe Pooh and the Gang did a bit of Funky Stuff on his life.
@Mikiye – Glad you enjoyed. I have actually enjoyed re-reading this one. Not sure if I should be laughing at my own work though. Seems a little “Weird”.
9 An idea of sorts. // Mar 16, 2008 at 1:59 am
[...] Winnie the Pooh Arrested for Honeypot Theft. [...]
10 Rose
// Mar 16, 2008 at 5:08 am
You can’t blame a bear for trying to get a little honey now can you?
11 Kelly
// Mar 16, 2008 at 6:17 am
And to think, I always thought Winnie would never amount to anything. But it turns out, he became a thief. Finally, a reason to celebrate. I had heard a rumor that Winnie and Piglet were barely paying the bills by starring in porn films together. They stopped making them, however, when poor Winnie had some trouble pulling out of little Piglet’s….
Anyway, I’m thrilled to hear all is well. Is Christopher Robin still selling crack and meth, by the way?
12 Sy
// Mar 16, 2008 at 4:41 pm
@Rose – That reads as dodgy as I think you meant it! haha. But no, everyone needs a little honey once in a while.
@Kelly – Welcome back buddy! I hope work isnt hurting too much. Yeah, it was always on the cards. Once they get a sniff of fame, it is all downhill from there isnt it. Christopher Robin is still in the business. I thought he would grow up to be a nice young man like the brat from home alone, but noooo….
Leave a Comment