My wife decided to get in on the whole giving me words to write about. Her choices of words were: murder, point made, beach bum and a tomato box as a home. I asked her where she was in her head when she thought of these, and she replied “In a tomato box on a beach playing my banjo for lunch money! I am in a happy place…”. A place that contains a banjo murder is a happy place? I have changed the locks to the door until I can confirm she is OK to come in.
Well, lets give this a go then:
In the background, a melon is wrapped in silk, and looks to be wearing a makeshift crown. It is a crowded room, the occupants stood talking about the next phase of the plan. The shops had gone too far this time. Displaying the lifeless shells on display, and people actually bought them, and even ate them. The government support for such a crime was, in their eyes, tipping the very balance of life itself. Something had to be done. Something to stop the madness.
Leaflets get passed around the room. “Fruitarian Action Through Solid Opposition” (FATSO), the group opposed to the mindless murder of fruits all around the world, had a new plan. But the old days of protests were long gone. Now they were taking the law in to their own hands.
In the old days, FATSO would go to supermarkets, and take the murdered fruits and give them a burial as decided by the head of the Fruitarians. His real name was a mystery. He was only known as “Fruity One”. His closest ally and right hand man was known as “Fruity Two”. What Fruity One did not know though, was that Fruity Two had more sinister plans, and with a splinter cell, took over the Fruitarians pushing Fruity One out. He changed the dynamics of the attacks on supermarkets and took the fight directly to the government too.
Instead of taking back the dead fruits and burying them, they were now throwing the fruits at the supermarket workers and the government officials. “You have the juice of so many fruits on your hands” Fruity Two read out on an audio statement on the internet “that you will go to Frell”. Fruit Hell, or Frell as it is known, is said to be the place that you go to should you kill a fruit. Eating a now dead fruit was seen as the ultimate insult to the fruit God “Friety”. The members of FATSO always knew they would go to Fruitopia. Fruit Heaven.
Fruity Two, now running the organisation, decided that he should now be knows as “Fruit Loop”. Loop was short for “Leader of opposition party”.
Fruit Loop took the Fruitarians to the streets. To sign up supporters for his campaign against the fruit murdering infidels. It was during this fateful day that things changed. Being a hot summers day, they decided that the beaches would be full. They would canvass the entire beach signing up people to their flawed organisation. They all split up and started canvassing the area. Fruit Loop approached a beach bum and started his speech. While doing this, the beach bum took an apple out and took a bite chunk out of it.
Fruit Loop was livid. Attacking the beach bum with fists waving about like a person who just ate a very hot chilli and cannot find anything cold to put in his mouth, thus flapping around like a mad excitable pigeon. On seeing the scuffle, the police arrived and took Fruit Loop to the police station. During the interview, it was found who Fruit Loop really was. Fruit Loop stood his ground, angrily explaining his reasons for the Fruitarian action. Explaining that fruits were not something to be eaten, but were living beings from the planet Fruipiter and that they had come here to escape the Intergalactic war with the fellow fruits from Fruito. With his point made, he sat down, took a cup of water and sat back, smug in the knowledge that he would surely be let off.
The police filed charges, and the court sentenced him to 3 years imprisonment with a psychiactric evaluation.
3 years later, as the prison Gates open, Fruit Loop walks free, his time served. He arrives to his home, but the house has been demolished from freak weather. With nothing but the clothes on his back, his walks away. He ends up at the beach, where a beautiful lady who lived in a tomato box plays a banjo, singing songs about being locked out of her house, with a hat laid out in front of her to collect money for lunch.
The Fruitarians stopped their campaign after Fruit Loop was sent to prison, and the group disbanded. Many became healthier for starting to eat the fruits they once worshipped. Fruity One now works as a product advisor for a big supermarket and Fruit Loop is still continuing his campaign. No one knows where he is, but strongly worded letters keep being sent to the supermarkets. Have we heard the last of Fruit Loop and the Fruitarians?
© 2008, Sy. All rights reserved.
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12 responses so far ↓
1 Anca
// Mar 27, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Bravo, Mrs Sy! This was the craziest one I’ve read so far
good one
2 Tamera
// Mar 27, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Oh. When I read the words from Mrs.Sy I thought Sy was going to be murdered for not getting the point that he was to remember the tomatoes at the market…
Whew! Boy, was I wrong.
I do believe that we have not heard the last of Fruit Loop and Fruitarians. I believe they are planning and scheming some underground coupe….hmmm.
3 FLOOG
// Mar 27, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Sy, with a mind like yours I really think you should be in politics.
I’d love to see you interviewed on TV, spinning a yarn on how it came to be that you and the entire cabinet were caught in a brothel with five prostitutes, a bag of cocaine and a suitcase full of forged voting papers…..
I reckon, YOU’D be able to give an explanaition!
As always, a brilliant post sir
4 Jim - Just a Guy
// Mar 27, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Sir I am afraid I am not sure who is more insane, you or the wife. It’s my kind of insane. Really murder can be quite a happy place. thisi s why we play violent video games and listen to Gwar. Well OK no one should really listen to Gwar but they can make murder a happy time.
5 Sy
// Mar 28, 2008 at 1:53 am
@Anca – Mrs Sy is a little out there as you can see.
@Tamera – I have a very sneaking suspicion that Fruit Loop and the Fruitarians will definately be back. Fruit Loop has a passion for what he believes in, and wont stay in the dark for long…
@Floog – I am always up for a bribe or two, so hey, I am good with going in to politics! And then I can find out why there is only 1 bag of cocaine in the brothel! And I will give that thought a bit of time to settle in my head and see if I can come up with a waterproof reason for that happening!!
@Jim – The wife is. I am the normal one in the relationship. I currently have Pantera on, and will never swap it for GWAR. Infact… GWAR???? Now I am tempted to take a wander to my favourite P2P site and just see what is about for them! Leave it there for my “different” moments!
I am hoping to get my wife on to do either a post on her own, or a post with me. But we will see. She has posted a couple of comments, so if you ever see her posting (she posts under the name Lee), give her a warm hello. And then tell her she is nuts. But don’t tell her I told you to say she was nuts. Actually, I should delete this bit. Ah hell, where is the delete button? Damn laptop.
6 Jim - Just a Guy
// Mar 28, 2008 at 2:34 am
Gwat is totally a live performance band. Some of the sickest guys you ever want to see. I have eclectic tastes. AKA I listen to everything but Rap and country. I love my metal but I will take anything with instruments. Right now I am listening to Filthy Thieves and Flogging Molly.
I will give the wife a kind hello should I see post a comment. Of course if she wants to match craziness I will definitely take her up on the challenge.
7 Jim - Just a Guy
// Mar 28, 2008 at 2:35 am
Gwar.
8 Mikiye Creations
// Mar 28, 2008 at 4:13 am
Wow….yes, you two are MEANT to be together in your happy deranged and lovely bliss!
LOL!!!
As ALWAYS, you have me CRACKING UP!!!!!
9 Rose
// Mar 28, 2008 at 11:11 pm
What was the wife thinking? What were you thinking? Well- never mind. lol We know what went through your mind. I worry about you. I really do.
10 Sy
// Mar 29, 2008 at 7:19 pm
@Jim – Gwar were a little unusual! I havent listened to them for a very long time though. I really should just for a trip down (bad) memory lane!
@Mimiye – Deranged is certainly a good word! Imagine a Saturday night at this household when wifey isnt preggers and we are both a couple of drinks to the better with friends round. It is an interesting experience for people!!
@Rose – There is nothing to worry about! Honest! *cough* Yeah, I had to ask where she was in her head when she mentioned those words which was somewhat worrying! You know it is actually her that writes this site dont you? I am just the frontman. The good looking specimin to make people come back. Huh? What? That wasnt a nice comment at all! How rude!
I am going to tell her she HAS to respond to this post being that it is her words that the story came from! Her public expect a comment!
11 Is it really a load of bull? Part 1 // Mar 31, 2008 at 12:32 am
[...] My wife made me do it. [...]
12 art brighton
// May 10, 2009 at 11:23 pm
just a technical point, but fruit isnt dead when it has been picked. it is alive, but dying. not sure at which point it becomes dead. brain death, but no brain. hmmmmm
art brighton’s last blog post..Loop Tickets
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