Knock Knock.
Whose there?
It’s the police. *SMASH* GET ON THE FLOOR. NOBODY MOVE.
and in they come. But then, if you are a woman in your 50′s and your house is a dirty drug den, what do you expect to happen? Oh. Except in this case, the woman was 100% innocent and they got the wrong house. Which is an easy mistake to make after watching the house you think has the drugs in, only to go to a completely different house on “raid day”.
But luckily, the police did say “We will ensure the damage to the property is repaired”. Which is awfully nice of them. They also said that they stopped the raid quickly after they realised they were in the wrong place. How did they realise? Was it the sight of a woman in her 50′s cutting open a bag of knitting wool rather then cutting a line of the drug of the day? And my favourite line from the story was “Officers will be reviewing what went wrong in order to make sure this doesn’t happen again.” Which is quite the line. Let me help you out with this one. Someone really stupid didn’t do their job. There you go. Or maybe he raided the right house on his own earlier in the day and was “in a different place” in his head?
But this smashing in to houses thing has happened before. And it happened to me. For instance, I once ordered a Chinese takeaway. Innocent? You would think so. But when 5 ninjas crashed through my window armed with bags of takeaway goodness, I was less then happy. I have a doorbell. Not that it works, but did they try? Actually, maybe they did. How would I know if I didn’t hear it if it is broken? OK, so I am getting away from the actual thing here and I admit I *may* have been at fault on that one occasion. Don’t tell my wife I admitted to maybe being wrong. I will never live it down and will be reminded of the previous 1000 times I told her it isn’t my fault. Oh. What is that on the floor by me? It has a label on it which reads “Can of worms. Do not open”. Huh. Shall I open it?
There was another time when I ordered pizza. Some Italian dude on a motorbike and wearing sunglasses and an expensive suit turned up. He didn’t have my pizza on him. Why? Because he said it didn’t make him look as cool as he actually is. So he took my money and ran. I on the otherhand, ordered another Chinese takeaway. I stood by the door the whole time waiting for it to be delivered.
Lets just say that I intend to never order a police raid. It looks like I will never get it and my neighbour will. But then, I don’t like my neighbour, so maybe…just maybe… I am pretty sure he is a criminal anyway. I base this on the investigative work of “I just don’t like him and he doesn’t like me. But I am nice and he is an arrogant arse”. If you are telling me I need more then that to make that assumption, then we should part ways now and come back in the next post. Yeah, please don’t leave for good. You are one of my trusty 3 readers.
Oh goody! You stayed! Come here, gis a hug. Lets forget about the last paragraph eh? All that “move on to the next post” was crazy talk. Lets just never talk about it again huh?
So moving along swiftly. You can read the original news story for the above HERE if that is your bag. It isn’t my bag though. I have a nice ManBag. And fetching it is too. Did I mention my kisses are like strawberries? Yeah. Ask my wife! The only downside is that I think she may be allergic to strawberries. Or is that just a reason to not ki….ah man. That cant be good.
Did I mention I haven’t been well for a few days? It doesn’t show does it? I mean, the last couple of posts have all been above board and stuff? Yeah? Are you saying that to make me feel better? I get the idea Jim isn’t gonna be so nice. The rest of you will though. Any visitors from the NHS reading this? Can I get some treatment? I pay my taxes you know!
© 2008, Sy. All rights reserved.
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9 responses so far ↓
1 TheMovie Whore
// Apr 17, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Me be mean?
You know me too well sir. You know I wrote an opening scene for a screenplay I had dancing around in my head. It involved ninjas. Get of my head. There is only enough room in here the 8 of us.
Now quit your whining and get your purse and go buy yourself a replacement pair sir.
2 Sy
// Apr 17, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Why on earth would I want to get out of this huge cavernous empty space which houses multiple voices but no brain? That would be plain silly my friend!
3 TheMovie Whore
// Apr 17, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Plain and simple? or simple and plain?
Or maybe plainly simple or simply plain?
Or maybe…
No don’t say that.
Say what?
That.
That what?
You are impossible.
He really is.
Oh great 2 against one.
Not they we need it you simpleton.
Bite me.
Why are you 2 torturing him again, you know you’re just going to rile him up and then he won’t shut up.
But it’s fun.
Leave him alone.
I don’t need your help.
Yes you do.
Do not.
Do to.
Aw the hell with it.
Now we see what entertains my friend Sy to such great lengths thus proving how simple he really is.
4 Mikiye Creations
// Apr 17, 2008 at 11:53 pm
ok.
I was about to respond…but after TheMovie Whore’s last response…Uh, I’m speechless.
Well, really confused for sure…I’m actually rarely speechless…gabby mouthed and all…yeah, what were we talking about again?
…did I take the non drowsy day allergy formula?
5 Sy
// Apr 17, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Mikiye…please tell me you took the drowsy one. That is the one you get maximum benefit from! Now. As for Jim… well, he has been having a moment. I can actually recognise each voice which has responded there! And be careful, because voice number 3 is a little “off” at times. The rest are all good though.
Now. Where is the night nurse. The great thing about this stuff is that you can actually fall asleep half way through a sentzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..
6 TheMovie Whore
// Apr 18, 2008 at 12:22 am
Mikiye don’t feel bad I have that effect on a lot of people.
Sy #3 is dangerous. we try to keep him locked up. Sometimes he does escape but luckily we have a guy in here that is really good at digging holes.
7 Anca
// Apr 18, 2008 at 9:40 am
Ummm…are you guys gonna get me sick too? Apparently everybody here has the flu or something. Mr. Whore, I like you. All 8 of you. And Sy, hope you’ll get better soon, though I have to admit the fever and pills have given your stories a nice twist
8 Jane the Pain
// Apr 18, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Hmm.. I was trying to find your blog but you know I just couldn’t. I kept finding some site called “The Wheel has stopped and The Hamster is Alive.”
Cripes, wish I could have a real live police raid; might bring some some excitement to my dull and boring existence.
Ah…Master Sy, you are still not well? Mrs T sends you a virtual wipe of your fevered brow. (No snog though; I don’t want to catch anything.)
9 Sy
// Apr 19, 2008 at 12:56 am
@Jim – ALL the Sy’s around here are dangerous. That’s right IceMan. I am Dangerous.
@Anca – You should get it. Come be part of the sickie gang! I still have it, although I am a lot more human now. It doesnt help that I sit in an office for 12 hours a day with the aircon on, so my feeling rubbish bit is taking a lot longer to go!
@Jane – Oohh…there aint no alive hamster around these places. Nothing but us moles. But I thank you for the brow wipe and for not lunging at me and giving me a wet snog.
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