I feel quite lazy. There has been a lack of originality recently. So after this post, I am going for original. A friend gave me the words “Blog-A-Thon, Raspberry Ripple, Smurf, Pamphlet” to work with, so my next post will be an original “What crap has he written this time” type of story post. I would do it tonight, but I am having a day of even less originality then normal, so instead you are getting a post about a burger.
A big burger.
A tasty burger.
A burger with a price tag of £95. (that is about $190 for my US friends out there, about $200 for my Australian friends out there. $189 for my Canadian friends out there and 6,789 Afghanistan Afghanis for any…erm…Taleban fans of the site.)
And it is made by Burger King (another Taleban favourite). OK, so I know that inflation is rising, but 95 fricken quid for some processed meat product?? And it is being made in their “restaurant” in West London. I had never put the words “Burger”, “King” and “Restaurant” in the same line before.
But look at the ingredients! It is a wagyu beef, white truffle, pata negra ham slices, cristal onion straws, modena balsamic vinegar, lambs lettuce, pink himalayan rock salt, organic white wine and shallot infused mayonnaise in an Iranian saffron and white truffle dusted bun type of burger filled loving. I was with them until Wagyu beef, and then I just got really confused.
I have done some investigation (and by investigation, I mean I cant be arsed to do any work to find out the prices of any of this because…well…hell, does anyone really want to know?) and I have found out that the £95 price tag is a fricken rip off.
Fricken? Twice in one post? Note to self. Stop watching so much Scrubs.
Anyway, where was I. Oh yes. The other part of the story which was full of words that shouldn’t be in the same sentence. These were: “Celebrity”, “Chef” and ”Antony Worrall Thompson”. It should actually read:
“Bearded idiot Anthony Worrall Thompson, the worthless numpty who should only be given a TV show where he is put in a house with a bunch of other retarded idiots because no one watches that shit, said that it sounded delicious.” So frickenwhat? Why would anyone care what he thinks? Actually, if you have him a dogshit sandwich the worthless idiot would wipe the drool from his mouth and say “Delicious! I wish I could cook that well! Tastes of a mountain spring, just after a gazelle pee’s in it.”
I am sorry, it sounds like I don’t like him. And it couldn’t be further from the truth. “Don’t like him” could imply I do in some way like him, whereas I…well…yeah, you work it out! Anyway, this is a humour site, not a “I hate this guy” site. Apparently. And I mean that on both counts! Where is the “funny” people!
Now. The proceeds from the sales of these death by calorie burgers is going to charity. Who chooses the charity to use for these companies? Because the last time I checked, absolutely no one has ever given to my charity. So many companies give money to the children’s charities, or the poorly puppy charities. Yet nobody gives to the “Sy from the Wheel’s Turning but the Hamsters Dead – Get Rich Quick” charity. Maybe I am not outlining why it is a good charity to give to? Let me give you the details, and if any of you are in charge of the company charity choice, dont be shy hey?
The “Sy from the Wheel’s Turning but the Hamsters Dead – Get Rich Quick” charity is a non-profit charity. It’s aims are to help those unfortunates called Sy who write posts for this site to get the goodies they richly deserve. The list includes a new plasma TV, a super fast PC, a jelly wrestling team and 18 trips per year to see Hugh Heffner with regards to becoming his protege.
As you can see, it is a worthwhile effort which will bring happiness to…erm…me.
Where was I going with this post? Oh yeah, burgers. So anyway, this super burger can be read about HERE, should you be inclined. Of course, the other alternative is to take your £95 and just buy a LOT of cheapo burgers, which will end in the same result. A trip to the bathroom hours later to remove it. And if you enter the right competition, you can eat that £95 worth of burgers, and at the end of it, you can even win your own funeral which will help with the artery issues you are going to have by the time you reach £87 of your £95 worth of burgers.
Holy crap this was a long post.
19 responses so far ↓
1 Tom Humes
// Jun 18, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Nice Site layout for your blog. I am looking forward to reading more from you.
Tom Humes
2 menopausaloldbag (MOB)
// Jun 19, 2008 at 7:18 pm
I only contribute to charities that aren’t run by theiving con merchants looking to suck me dry of every had earned penny I have. I tend to prefer answering those terrific emails from my bank asking for all my bank details on a weekly basis. I can’t believe how stupid they are though for they ask for the same details weekly – how thick are they then? Better get off and check my bank balance – it was showing a defecit but that nice man in the next email said that if I gave him my details again – he’d sort it. How nice is that, that’s what I call service!
3 Mikiye Creations
// Jun 19, 2008 at 9:20 pm
MOB,
There are some REALLY GOOD fakes that come across…I saw a Citi bank e-mail once and everything about it looked genuine! I had my BF look at it since he’s the computer guy…he looked at the code and was AMAZED at how close they got to the REAL code that Citibank uses…he said it could fool any average person!
It clicked over to a page that looked IDENTICAL to the real front page and everything.
Scary how someone could easily be fooled…of course it was a e-mail talking about fraud!
Sy,
…been to the Playboy mansion. A client invited me to go one Halloween with her and some others since one model canceled. (yeah, I was feeling that Sesame Street children’s song, “One of these things is not like the others…”) LOL!!!
They were all former Playmates. You could tell that she must have been seriously SMOKIN’ HOT when she was young. So, I got the full tour from another woman that came with us. Eh, just TONS of half naked 21-26 year olds for the most part…and naked body painted girls…and Ginormous boobies everywhere…nothing that special.
I actually didn’t see Heff that night though.
4 Rose
// Jun 20, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Win your own funeral? Oh yipeeee
5 Sy
// Jun 20, 2008 at 8:41 pm
@MOB – You just dont get service like that unless you go for the unsolicited mails! Those guys are natural heroes!
@Mikiye – huh? You went to the mansion? You cant see me now. But picture a fairly ugly guy very green with envy, and holding a bottle of coke zero, and you are pretty much there!
@Rose – I know! How handy! They will never ever get to see their prize!
6 Onedia
// Jun 20, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Hey , Sy, just trying to catch up on some reading and haven’t been by in a while. I do roll through on my reader but thought I should just say hello.
7 Mikiye Creations
// Jun 20, 2008 at 10:18 pm
LOL!!
Seriously, THE STORIES these women told me about men TRYING TO SNEAK in to the estate were CRAZY and HILARIOUS!
I just remember one of them having to do with waiting in a dumpster and trying to get wheeled in that way!…I have NO IDEA how long they were in that thing!
Too bad there was 2 charities going on that night or apparently I would have seen A TON more celebs…(I would see those an a almost daily basis at one of my jobs so that was no biggie)…but it would have been fun to see them dressed in costumes!
BTW, You could totally tell the husbands and Boyfriends Verses the visiting men…LOL they were totally casual like as if at a family get together…verses the drooling visitors!
8 firerobin
// Jun 21, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I would like to try that burger!
9 Rose
// Jun 21, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I know I’m fat, but I’m still beautiful. Wait that said git. What’s a git?
10 Sy
// Jun 21, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Git….erm…it is a “Gorgeous Independant Troublemaker”. Yeah…that’ll do!!
Now Mikiye…you wouldnt see me drooling if I was there. That is because I would be in a dreamy daze. Next time you go…can I get an invite?
11 Debs
// Jun 22, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I’d pay £95 for that burger coz all this Quorn is making me fart! Debs x
12 Debs
// Jun 23, 2008 at 12:48 pm
P.S. Your Blog-a-Thon could be really interesting and smell very fishy indeed. Thon is French for Tuna. Debs x
13 Sy
// Jun 23, 2008 at 1:37 pm
You could be a farting quorn star! That would be something different! They normally eat meat!
Tuna? Really? Iiiinteresting! When I get my lazy arse to write it, I might well make use of that!!
14 nogbad
// Jun 23, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Point of order: In that Afghanistan is an Islamic Republic it’s unlikely that anyone would shell out 6,789 Afghanis for a burger which contains pata negra (a highly prized Jamón serrano). I mention this only because I’d hate anyone, having read this highly influential blog, to be disappointed that they were unable to setup a profitable business in downtown Kabul selling a burger based on this recipe. In fact anyone taking that commercial step without my brief interjection may well have found grounds to sue you for misinforming them about the viability of selling pork-based products in that part of the world.
Separate note: No letter A in “independent”, jot that down somewhere?
15 Bill Beck
// Jun 24, 2008 at 2:12 am
Congratulations on your recent honor of being named a Best Of Blog winner. The winner buttons have now arrived and all you have to do to receive yours is send an email to my address below with the subject line of “Winner’s Button”. I will start sending these out this week.
Thank you,
Bill Beck
Best Of Blog Awards
Email:bloggerbeck@aol.com
16 Rose
// Jun 24, 2008 at 6:32 am
So now I’m a fat Gorgeous Independant Troublemaker. I can live with that.
17 Sy
// Jun 24, 2008 at 1:25 pm
@Noggers – Nah, you know how the western world is planning on taking over! Give it time…if you dont see a BK or McD’s there in the next 3 years…well…I can pretty much say what I want coz we wont remember this! So I will go crazy and say “Well, I will pay you £1.50 in loose change!” As for the spelling thing…dude…you worked with me…you know my lower then average intelligence! Plus they dont let me spell check my comments….and I didnt realise anyone even read them!!!
@Rose – Yeah OK…you can have it! Sometimes it isnt a problem being fat when you get some great words to follow it!
18 nogbad
// Jun 30, 2008 at 8:06 am
Plus they dont let me spell check my comments
Use Firefox! It has a built in spilchucker and clever gear like that
19 Sy
// Jul 5, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Forefix? Sometimes I do use it, but in reality, I am just too lazy to use a spellchecker and use flaws in software to make me sound better!
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