Have any of you got a guinea pig? Or maybe two? Or maybe the two you did have, got their freak on, and now you have 10.
You know what? It doesn’t matter. Well, not until they reach puberty and go out buying dresses for lunch with friends.
Just the other day I took Papa and Bissau out for lunch because I heard of a place where they all go to meet and all dress up. Then they all take part in competitions. How fast can they run, who is the biggest, tallest. And then I got there and realised that his was no ordinary get together.
After entering Papa and Bissau in to every competition, I watched as they stomped on the competition. My big fat healthy guinea pigs were the toast of the competition… and then we got to the last contest. When I read the “How good do they taste” round, I figured that it meant something along the lines of what kind of palate do they have? What range of foods do they enjoy?
Boy was I wrong. This “Get together” just so happened to be the third annual Festival of the Guinea Pig in Huacho, Peru. Naturally.
Yes, this little festival is all about the lucky guinea pigs at the festival, who after a good day of showing the crowd their wares, some escape with the indignity of being turned into kings, miners and Peruvian peasants for the day, and the rest? Well, they get munched. And when I say munched, I don’t mean they feel hungry and have the munchies. Yes, they end up on a plate. Delicious.
In case you are wondering, or have a litter, a cleaver and an unhealthy need to cut up your pets and cook them, it is a cross between rabbit and dark chicken meat. I recommend against doing this though. Nothing ever tastes quite right when you do it yourself!
I think Papa and Bisau ran away when they found out about the last contest. On my way to the food tent to get myself a 1/2lb Guinea Burger with a side of Fur-ies, I did hear a muffled squeek of “OH GOD NOOOO!” which sounded like one of them in the tent cleverly named “The Chop Shop”. I think that tent sold knives, fur and blood. Well, that was all I could see in there anyway. Maybe Papa and Bissau went in there to get some items for their journey and found it was going to cost more then they thought?
Either way, I miss them. I got a real taste for those burgers, and even bought the buns.
I know you are curious, so HERE is the news story.
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