So it seems that we are all safe, and the crackjobs who predicted that the “Galactic Federation of Light” would turn up and cuddle us all to death have all gone back to there hidey holes to have a think about what they said.
Of course saying that, it could be that Chief Commander Paddington Bear has alternative plans for us and rather than cuddle us to death, he will do something far more awful. Something like making the New Kids on the Block comeback successful, so we are forced to endure more audio punishment than we were on their first time round.
Or maybe…juuuust maybe…the whole Galactic Federation of Light should be renamed “The Galactic Federation of Complete and Utter Bollocks”. I googled it (the original, not the bollocks version), and there were a LOT of people who believed it. I have just one question. I think it is all encompassing of how people may feel on this. And that is:
What the hell are these people on!?!?
But as people seem to go for all this crap, I am starting the “Cult of the Dead Hamster“. And I want you to follow me. There is not much to it; just a few simple rules.
1 – I own everything you own. Actually, you won’t own it anymore. I will only take paid up mortgages, and none of your “I still owe £4000000 on it” BS. I am not here to do you favours you know!
2 – You must recruit as many “followers” as possible to the cult, and you will get a cut (0.003%) of the profits I make from their stuff up to a maximum of £11.93, and you WILL be thankful.
3 – You must do everything in your power to make sure that I, your esteemed leader, am comfortable at all times. This could be by bringing me snacks, women of the “loose” variety (and I don’t mean they have fingers hanging off or something. Keep your leprosy drenched weirdo’s to yourself) or working out just how the hell to shut my parrot up as he is doing my head in which doesn’t involve strangulation (my wife is a little against the violence against bird option that I prefer).
So not a lot to do then! Although I am thinking. Is the word “Cult” maybe a little too “strict” sounding? Should I rename it to the “Awfully Fun, Nothing Bad Could Happen Dead Hamster Party”? That sounds a little more like it is all drink, drugs and sausage rolls and less me stealing everything you have in the world for my own selfish devious means?
The only other alternative is”The All Numpties Under Sy Party” which does have the downside of being “The ANUS Party” which means that all my followers will be my Arses.
Not sure. What one do you prefer? After all, it is your party! I want you to be happy. If you aren’t happy, I am not happy. If I am not happy….oh God help you mere mortals.
The idea of me starting a cult actually appeared quite some time ago on a comment conversation on a post by Goergie B HERE. I finally worked out how I could use it thanks to the intergalactic psycho teddy bears!
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 