I give up. What the hell do you buy a woman for Christmas? I had great ideas last year and the year before that, but there are only so many times I can buy her a toy reindeer that poops out chocolate raisins before it starts to get very old for her.
So being the ingenious dude that I am, I went a hunting online (me and shops…well, I get a little touchy in shops. So online it is.) and what did I find? Every single site sells the same damn stuff. The problem is that most of the stuff is going to end up in divorce.
Armed with Google, I searched for “gifts for her that isn’t a crapping reindeer”. What did I find? An ironing board cover. Now OK. Everyone needs an ironing board cover for their ironing board. And this one had a naked man on it.
Sounds great. Except that if I get her a gift that involves being folded up in a dark room until she needs it, and then covers it with clothes and begins burning the hell out of it; well I just think I am going to hear “ahh…that is lovely. You got the receipt still right?” on Christmas day.
So what do I buy her? Name a star after her? Again, if I give her a gift that has a certificate with her pet name on it (numbnuts), she is going to get annoyed with that too.
Maybe some clothes would work. Well, except that I wouldn’t be able to get her anything. In fact heed my warning any men reading this. Do NOT buy them clothes. Why? Well, how often do they put clothes on and say to you “How about this one!” and you say “Oh yes. That is spiffing my little bunch of fluffiness”….and they walk out the room and change. So basically whatever you choose they are going to change with something else.
So then. Give her money! Except that you are then seen as unoriginal in the eyes of her friends when she says “oh, he gave me money because he knew he couldn’t get the perfect gift”. From that day forward I get told what a loser I am. And ya know, I already know that without being reminded and then having to really pull the rabbit out of the hat on Valentines to make up for it.
I then ventured to the “adult fun” section of the “gifts for her” sites. If I go buying her something from this section, all I am going to hear is “So this gift is about you then!” which yeah OK…but I already bought the battery recharger, so hell, I may as well get the gifts.
So I am left with the choices of:
A sweet talking bear (because nothing says “I got you a bear because there was nothing else to buy!” like a bear that says “I wuv you wunny bunny”)
Digital luggage scales (nothing says “I want you to move out and fly back to South Africa” like digital luggage scales)
Chocolate scrabble (Do you spell “lard arse” before she eats it?)
Or a hot polar bear to keep her warm (because every woman wants ANOTHER cuddly toy)
But I am not making it up! Examples HERE.
So any ideas people? Come on…inspiration is required in the next day before I look a total loser next week!
© 2008, Sy. All rights reserved.
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25 responses so far ↓
1 Tamera
// Dec 17, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Ah, I see you did not see my ‘best Christmas gift for every family budget” post. A gift for every man to give his Lady, that is guaranteed to make her swoon in romantic bliss….(and, can be done online to boot!)
2 Sy
// Dec 17, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Ah but I did…and I mentioned it in this bit:
So what do I buy her? Name a star after her? Again, if I give her a gift that has a certificate with her pet name on it (numbnuts), she is going to get annoyed with that too.
But I cant go getting her a star because she is too short sighted to be able to see it…
3 nogbad
// Dec 17, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Buy her champagne and a weekend somewhere really nice (preferably without you!) or a day spa at Molton & Brown at Bluewater. A lovely meal together – Kent & East Sussex railway for example. Trust me – it’s better than slippers and a dressing gwon and it’s a nice reminder that she’s the love of your life as well as the ironer of your smalls.
4 Sy
// Dec 17, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Ahhh…Mr Gibson. How are we dear boy?
Well, the weekend somewhere nice would work, and she would have to go alone as I would need to watch Shawnee! I did the slippers and gown last year to be used while she was in labour, so I cant go buying them again! I must get her to play with my smalls rather than iron it…hang on…ignore that bit.
5 Tamera
// Dec 17, 2008 at 4:38 pm
I like the day-spa idea…perfect for a new Mother!
6 Sy
// Dec 17, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I have offered to smear her in whipped cream and rub it in to her on so many occassions, but got turned down on all of them, so I am not sure the spa day will work. Although it would be so unfair if someone else got to rub the whipped cream in…so I have to think about my needs in this present too.
Damn this is too hard!
7 Tamera
// Dec 17, 2008 at 5:02 pm
*sigh*. I give up. You’re on your own buddy…a Lone Ranger on the elusive gift hunt….just make it magical to warm the heart of a newly baked Mother that needs love and care, so that she can keep on caring for everyone else…
ehem…
*stepping down from soapbox*
8 Tamera
// Dec 17, 2008 at 5:06 pm
ooooooo!!! ooooooo! I got it! Arrange a sexy photo-shoot session for her at a photographer!
9 Sy
// Dec 17, 2008 at 5:08 pm
You know if I choose to do any of these, and she then reads the site, she is gonna know I begged for help! But hey…I dont care…as long as she likes it!
Actually…oi…wifey…stop reading this post. It was my idea to get you a picture of brad pitt.
10 Mrs T
// Dec 18, 2008 at 1:05 am
How about a picture of your good self Master Sy? Mrs Sy will then be able to get some good darts practice. Alternatively, give her a copy of your life insurance policy made out in her favour…. believe me that sort of prezzie always cheers a gal up.
What have you asked for from Mrs S? I hope it is not “Bitty” !
Ps… Mrs T found a most pleasing Christmas prezzie for you today! I will send it anon… so you can take it back for an exchange… Apparently it is a “fitted” item. Not sure how good that will look on a hippo.
11 Tina
// Dec 18, 2008 at 3:49 am
The best gift for any woman is jewelry…
12 crse
// Dec 18, 2008 at 1:27 pm
How about electronics? An MP3 player, or something fun for the tv. Or brad pitt movie? Ive stopped caring about originality and give my boy a specific list. He is also encouraged to call with questions. It reduces the stress immensely!
13 JD
// Dec 18, 2008 at 2:52 pm
how about a nice paisley tie ….
14 Mrs T
// Dec 18, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Try this Master SY !
https://www.lovehearts.com/searchresults.asp?search_type=prod_cat&prod_cat_id=42
15 Sy
// Dec 18, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Some interesting ideas! So far I have got her a hammer. I figure if she is gonna beat the crap out of me for having no idea what to get her, I may as well supply the utensil. I might even get her a toolbelt too as then she can carry it around with her!
16 Tamera
// Dec 18, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Then a new frying pan would be a great complimentary gift to go along with that hammer…
17 Joe R
// Dec 18, 2008 at 10:07 pm
My wife asked for an exercise machine, but I’m not *that* dumb…then it turns into a thing about “so you agree that I’m fat,” etc, etc. I countered that suggestion with a cooking-type gift, one of those cuisinart ice cream makers…so no accusations can take place
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0006ONQOC/ref=br_fq_1/183-6571026-2508206?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-6&pf_rd_r=1FYWQNRGY5VK7RVK99A9&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=289703701&pf_rd_i=291362
Or, there is also always skin care products that cost as much as an iPod, or more, if your lady happens to be into that the way mine is. Exhibit A, Perricone holiday kits, which do not require me to “guess” what she actually uses, or *shudder* go through her lotion drawer.
http://www.perriconemd.com/index.cfm?action=shop.viewcategory&product_category_id=126
Also, get her a Christmas movie like “Miracle on 34th Street,” or “Debbie Does Santa”. It is sure to make for good holiday viewing.
18 Georgie B
// Dec 19, 2008 at 2:06 am
A hammer?
19 Sy
// Dec 19, 2008 at 8:25 am
@Tamera – If I get her a frying pan, I might get the “Oh and now you want me to cook!” line, so I have to go with DIY utensils as I can use them too! Well, “use” them is maybe not the right word, my DIY is shocking!
@Joe R – Hi! Wow…Perricone. That is a name I have not heard in a long time. I used to do the IT for them for their London office! The damn stuff costs a fortune. I think Debbie Does Santa may well be the way forward as it is the gift that keeps on giving!
20 Tamera
// Dec 19, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I am beginning to understand by the male comments here that we women are pretty impossible! Heh. And here I thought we were easy to shop for….hmmmm.
21 Sy
// Dec 19, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Ahh you are beginning to understand! See, you all think “I am EEEEASY to buy for because I like this and this and this…” but then, as you can see, it is just not that easy! You women are impossibly difficult!!!
22 Tamera
// Dec 20, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Hey Sy! I posted a little diddy for you over at my blog.
23 Eric "Speedcat Hollydale"
// Dec 21, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I see you!
24 Sy
// Dec 21, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Dammit…I thought you would never find me behind the sofa even if I was giggling like a damn child. Geez dude…you are good at this.
25 Eric "Speedcat Hollydale"
// Dec 21, 2008 at 11:57 pm
… and AGILE!
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