Hellooooo there. Welcome to 2009. I am happy to note that I will be writing this post with a clear mind and good health (or a 4 alarm hangover and my liver is just about dead if you want the truth.)
So what is the obvious post to write then? New years resolutions obviously. Although I am not sure how much I can make a post out of the words “Fail miserably”, so I may have to add some other stuff in to beef it up…so to speak. Then again, should I be talking about “beefing up” in my posts?
I was going to research and ask a couple of people what their resolutions were for the forthcoming year. Except that I didn’t get a chance as unannounced, their opinions and ideas were thrust upon me like an unwanted stomach bug when you are on a plane with no working toilets and no change of underwear. But I noticed that they had more than 1. So if you fail one and manage the other, you have still technically failed. Thus my unfallable new years resolutions:
- Fail miserably at writing at least one post every 2 days – hmmm…1st post of 2009 on the 4th Jan. Mission Accomplished.
- Fail miserably at going to the gym at least 100 times in the next 365 days. This one I am confident in achieving. I don’t even belong to a gym, and the idea of getting in shape would conflict with my drinking habit and love of fatty foods. Therefore I figure I should add the next one just to make me look sexy as I manage to do all 3 resolutions.
- Fail miserably at giving up alcohol and fatty foods. OK, granted that eating the fatty foods does not make me look sexy as per resolution number 2, but if YOU drink enough alcohol (and OK, so it takes a lot) I will become incredibly sexy to you. Especially as the lights come on after the last dance and you lose the “pull a loser” competition unless you pounce on me there and then.
So that is that then. Short, sweet and easily achievable. Just like me after a few drinks and a new found sense of Godliness.
I know what you are thinking. You are thinking “He is a genius. How do I bow before him and show him the praise he deserves?”. Well, you get your arms and you go like this:
Although in all seriousness, I will be doing my bit for the environment and using at least two energy saving lightbulbs this year. This has nothing to do with the fact the energy company sent me two for free though.
So what are yours? And what is the realistic time frame before you say “What am I on about…pass the Absynth and lets fail in style!”?
© 2009, Sy. All rights reserved.
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10 responses so far ↓
1 Georgie B
// Jan 4, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Resolution?
Isn’t that what you adjust on the television in order to make the picture clearer?
Anyways….the only resolution that I have, that I can’t possibly fail at, is to write at least three pointless non-blog paragraphs of something.
The one that I can fail at?
Going one solid week without insulting someone, somewhere.
2 Tamera
// Jan 4, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that it’s the thingymebob on my TV.
3 Mrs T
// Jan 4, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Mmmm…do I see Pringles and Carling? Yummy! Mrs T would luvvvv to join you on The Failure Diet but Mrs T now has a handsome young Wii fit trainer…..we will be working out together.. (as soon as I’ve eaten all the Pringles and the kids have gone back to school….)
4 Kelly
// Jan 5, 2009 at 7:26 am
Hey Sy, where can I get one of those fancy-smancy “Sy is COOL” t-shirts? I want one to show off to all my friends. They’ll be sooo jealous.
BTW, I admire your huge step in going green. But I’m going to beat your efforts by purchasing 3 energy saving lightbulbs and a Fred Flintstone car.
So there!
Also: Tamera, my wife says the thingymebob can be found in my pants. I looked, but cannot find it.
5 Sy
// Jan 5, 2009 at 3:58 pm
@Georgie B – Television? Is that one of them fancy things that shows moving pictures and sound? I heard about them! They sound neat, but you earn too much money if you have one…
@Tamera – You leave your thingymebob out of this…or should I be saying this to our furting friend Kelly…
@Mrs T – Damn straight you see pringles and Carling…mmm….the whisky came out to play later. Now this handsome young wii fit trainer. You know you cant marry pixels dont you? Otherwise me and Lara Croft would be married long ago!
@Kelly – Ahh…well, I ordered 100000 of them, and take up has been pretty slow….I have 99999 left after the one I am wearing, so I can get you one! They are very cool indeed!
I dont believe you have 3 bulbs…the car…totally. But the bulbs? 1 max.
6 NanciElizabeth
// Jan 5, 2009 at 7:35 pm
My New Year’s Revolution (typo, but it stays) is to respond to every question asked me at work is to reply, “So fucking what?” Also to keep my Vicodin prescription filled so I won’t run out. I was gonna do a booze resolution (nah, not really) but I got a “Wine of the Month” gift for New Year’s, and I am already through October.
7 The Movie Whore
// Jan 6, 2009 at 12:47 am
Seems you have failure down pat. haha
I couldn’t resist.
I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions about 10 years ago. My last one was to never make another New Year’s resolution again. So far, total success.
8 Gareth
// Jan 6, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Can’t remember the last time I made a New Year resolution. There really is no point as they get broken pretty much the instant that you wake up after the night before!
Happy New Year to you Sy, and fellow readers
9 Ram
// Jan 7, 2009 at 2:38 am
Good luck with you resolutions. I had 10 and think they are all attainable (they’re posted if you’re interested). Anyway, all the best for the new year!
10 Sy
// Jan 7, 2009 at 5:18 pm
@NancyElizabeth – hmmm…you have been using the same revolution for a few years now havent you! Although I like the idea of the wine of the month!
@Mr Whore – That is pretty successful then! Can you make one where I get rich as you seem to be doing better than me at keeping them!
@Gareth – Happy new year fella! That is a good point. I once said I wouldnt drink for the month of January after midnight on the 31st Dec…and at 12:03 I had a beer in my hand. 3 minutes…quite a record!!
@Ram – I will check em out…see if I think they are attainable too!
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