A man in Australia broke in to a sex shop, had his wicked way with three blow up dolls in the “Jungle Jane” range (and probably a pack of chocolate willies as a snack once he was done, coz you know, people get the munchies after such a hard days graft) and then threw them in an alley and ran off.

Granted, that makes this dude one of the most confused men on the planet when he could have just ordered them on a buy two get one free offer from some online site for a very generous price.  That I know absolutely nothing about.  And certainly nothing about the pump to quick inflate and quick deflate for those moments of need, and moments of panic when you realise that during your ménage à trois with Pootle and and Bootie, your bestest blow up pals, that your wife comes home unannounced.  You know, if that stuff could happen.   Anyway…moving along swiftly…

The shop owner was quoted as saying:

“It’s totally bizarre. It’s a real concern that someone like that is out on the street,”

Soooo…a person that sells blow up dolls to the concerning buyer of all things plastic and full of air and will let anyone in the world take advantage of them no questions asked (no, I don’t mean Pamela Anderson*)  said that people like that on the street is a concern. 

Is it just me or is there a sense of, well, complete and utter stupidity in his statement?  He sells them to people and then worries that there are people like that on the street?!

Not me though.  You wouldn’t see having sex with dodgy blow up dolls that don’t look that lifelike even though I paid you could pay £50 for them for 1 simple reason. 

I lock the doors and close the curtains.  That way my wife may catch me when she cant open the door, but she thinks I was planning a big surprise for her.  Well, that is what I will tell her anyway.

But back to the main story.  The police have taken fingerprints, DNA samples…and photos of the “crime scene”.  Photos?  What are they expecting to see?  A shop filled with things they wish they could show their wife, but instead is kept in their “private collection” in that mysteriously locked cupboard that you don’t admit to having a key for.

When they catch the guy, and they will because they always get their guy, just what are they going to charge him with?  Giving the police force a damn good laugh?  “Your honour.  The defendant had sexual relations with 2 blow up dolls and did not call them back in the morning”.  Not exactly a punishable offence.  Maybe he just lost their number?!  Or maybe…just maybe…he was waiting a few days before calling them. 

Let me tell you, the male/female blow up doll relationship model is a LOT harder than most people imagine.

* – Well, I guess I should sit back and wait for all the hits with the search term “Pamela Anderson blow up doll” to appear then.

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