It was just a typical morning. You were standing there having a bit of a wash and then you slip.
Falling quickly, you grasp for something to hold on to.
You grab your knees.
In hindsight, not the obvious best choice to grab under the circumstances. And then this happens:
Yup, you attach the sink tap to your eye.
Or you do if you are a Chinese man, anyway. I think he deserves the award for partaking in excessive personal hygiene. I mean honestly…use a cloth or something to wash! If you think it is dirty, get a NEW cloth. This just isn’t rocket science is it… Or maybe he took the saying “Even packed the kitchen sink” a little too far?
At one point in the news story one family member is quoted as saying:
“It was so scary, there was blood spouting everywhere,”
Well turn the frigging tap OFF! How the hell did they live this long without such basic knowledge?!?
They then took an x ray because…ummm…maybe they couldn’t spot the tap or something? I don’t know. I mean, there it is. It is in his eye! But I guess they just took delivery of a shiny new x ray machine and decided it was time to give it a run. What did they see?
Does anyone else notice what I see? No, not the tap stuck in his eye which resembles a Dr getting carried away with his artistic skills with a bottle of tip-ex (white out for my North American cousins) on an x ray.
The other 3 things. There is a cursor arrow and a blue x inside his head and a squiggly thing to the right of his forehead. Now OK, the squiggly thing is outside so that is OK, but the arrow… somewhere in the world, someone has a mouse that when they move it about, that arrow drives him crazy. And the blue x… I don’t even want to think about. Although I am wondering how big the x ray was because the more I think about it, the more I think I will see an alien anal probe.
I had a similar experience to this once too. No, not the anal probe. The getting things painfully stuck.
I was enjoying a perfectly good session of inserting my finger in my nose and it actually got stuck! You see, I have a problem whereas when I get aroused, my nostrils actually shrink in size. It’s true! Google it! and so during my clearing out session, I saw a monkey de-licing another monkey on the nature channel. 45 minutes I was sat there trying to get my finger out. In the end I just thought really hard about a cucumber covered in olive oil and the British Prime Minister…and some kind of alien anal probe. Luckily that did the trick. Made me ill as all hell though. I didn’t eat for 2 days.
Yup, me and tap dude are like two peas in a pod.
Save yourself some time with googling the nostril thing. I put the link HERE for you. Yes I know. I AM thoughtful.
Photos taken from the news story. If you think I stole them and want them removed, ask nicely and pay me £200 to prove you really mean it.
© 2009, Sy. All rights reserved.
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15 responses so far ↓
1 Dr. Dave
// Jan 25, 2009 at 3:32 am
Friggin’ OUCH! Does this mean he has a watery eye?
2 Sy
// Jan 25, 2009 at 3:35 am
Nah, I think they fixed the faulty seal while they were there. He cant even cry at all anymore. Of course, what is there to cry about? It is only a tap. It wasnt the whole sink or anything.
3 Tami
// Jan 25, 2009 at 3:58 am
This was hilarious. I am still laughing. First of all, I can’t even fathom how this could happen…but, I kind of forgot about the guy at the visual image of you and your nostril…hahaha. How DO you get yourself in these predicaments? I know. You are naturally curious about life’s mysteries, and MUST experiment. Right? No? Although, I’m sure that arrow has got you a little scared, hasn’t it?
4 Sy
// Jan 25, 2009 at 4:11 am
I cant help it. I need to live life to the full, so I have to try almost everything. And I mean almost. Vegetables? Nope…never trying them! But the other stuff…it is important for me to expand my already small brain to stop it rattling about in my head when I walk! But yes…the arrow…what is that about? Why is it there? Who put it there? Do we really want to know??? Does the government know about it already and it is classified?
5 Georgie B
// Jan 25, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Wow, this guy would be number one on the the show “twenty stupidest injuries” (yes there really was a show like that some years back).
I got that wierd feeling that a guy gets when he sees someone getting kicked in a particular place while reading this post.
Filtered water anyone?
6 Sy
// Jan 25, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Yup, I got that weird feeling in my stomach and rubbed my eyes (rather than crossing my legs and cupping the boys when I see someone get kicked there) when I saw the photo. There was also a policeman here in the UK that got a stick jammed in his eye while tackling a suspect. He thought he had been poked in the eye, so carried on chasing him! Scroll down the page on this link:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1125472/Special-branch-Rookie-police-officer-kept-chasing-suspect–despite-having-inch-stick-eye.html
7 NanciElizabeth
// Jan 26, 2009 at 2:29 am
Okay, so y’all got some Ass-Hats in the UK but we still got y’all beat. [Gerbiling, my dear, sweet, innocent Si-mon is where you get a gerbil de-clawed and then let him take a trip on the Hershey Highway.] I mean, this is what I have heard [cough, cough.] You must be the most uncoordinated motherfuckers in the world–first, the vicar falls right on the potato [good aim or lucky timing] and now you have guys doing the Ultimate Piercing Challenge with, hey, I mean….fuck. Don’t you have places where you can rent movies? {and see all this bollocks live?}
AND a shout-out to “Mrs. T.”-yo!
Yanqui
8 Sy
// Jan 26, 2009 at 3:22 am
I sadly know all about the sport of Gerbling…I just wasnt gonna go too in to it on a free for all site suck as this! ;o)
Yup, we have some pretty messed up stuff going on here recently! The stick in the eye though…ugh… But hey, he carried on and chased the suspect. That’s us Brits. Hard as nails!
9 Mrs T
// Jan 26, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Yo Yanqui Yo!!
I’ve read the story and I can’t believe it… I can’t beleve they tried to get a PLUMBER to remove it…you would have thought an eye or brain surgeon would be more appropriate …. Obviously, the guy thought it was the quickest way to get a plumber to his house was to implant himself on a tap. Great tip…next time I have an emergency plumbing situation I’m going to stick my head down the U bend……
10 Tiggy
// Jan 26, 2009 at 6:26 pm
I was enjoying the post until you mentioned the cucumber and British Prime Minister thing. That image is now firmly inserted in my head (and that Chinese guy thinks he’s got problms…)
11 NanciElizabeth
// Jan 26, 2009 at 7:07 pm
[Psst! Mrs. T, over here, y'all. Does it not seem our Si-mon has a particular penchant as of late regarding "things being put into things?" Is Shawnee getting a sibling, mayhap?? Dish, Woman, dish!]
Yanqui Being at Work and Totally Pretending Like She Has A Job.
12 Kelly
// Jan 26, 2009 at 9:11 pm
That was a delightful story. I give it 2 flacid frankfurters and a crusty anal probe. Beee-u-tiful.
Maybe it’s just the way the Chinese get the boogers out of their eyes. Who knows? They do tend to go overboard with everything. See the Olympics celebration thing they put on?
NanciElizabeth has a point, ya know. Somebody, I’m not naming names, seems to be getting their jollies lately with the subject of object insertion.
And btw, get over to my site. I’ve got a whole new design going on. It will give ya a Jolly (or something)
13 Sy
// Jan 26, 2009 at 9:27 pm
@Tiggy – Trust me…you dont have to have the useless turd of a man running your country. I wanted to put razors in the cucumber originally, but then I realised I would actually enjoy seeing the pain on his face!
@The rest of you – Now then. I see a couple of issues with this. Number 1 – If I was to insert it in to her eye…she would have pink eye rather than sprog-li-ness going on. And as for the other inserting it in to any other place that is mentioned in the posts…that again results in a lack of sprog…and involves some weird whistling while you walk type thing.
But no…there will be no other sprog anytime soon! Shawnee is exactly the right amount of child for me!
Right. I am off to insert something in to my mouth. Dinner…you pervs.
14 Kelly
// Jan 27, 2009 at 3:52 am
Sprog. Spppprrrrrog. I could say that all day long.
Sounds like a vegetable or something. I think it means a baby, though, in Englandland
15 Sy
// Jan 27, 2009 at 3:55 am
It’s a wonderful word! Although I think we can safely say that her father is the vegetable!!
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