Do you ever get those emails from the Nigerian email scammers who want you to help them transfer their inheritence to your bank account and in the process drip you dry of all your money? Normally I hit the delete button after I have a read to see how inventive they get.
I say “normally” because my recent one is from Miss Sali Garuwa…and she sounds tastier than a bowl of cake icing.
So I emailed back.
As usual, her mail was about
Before the death of my mother on October 2004 in a private hospital here in Coted’ivoire where she was admitted, she secretly called me on her bed side and disclosed to me about the sum of nine million five hundred US dollars ($9.6million ) she left in suspense account in one of the bank here in Abidjan,It was the money she intended to transfer overseas for investment before she died, She also instructed me that I should seek for a foreign partner in any country of my choice who will assist me transfer this money in overseas account where the money will be save and invested wisely, Because of the current political problem here in Ivory Coast I decided to transfer the money to abroad where it will be save and invested, therefore, I am crying and seeking for your kind assistance in the following ways:(1) To provide a safe bank account where the money will be transferred for investment,(2) To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am only 20 years old,(3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit for me in your country.I have decided to offer you 20% Of the total amount for your willingness to help me, Please kindly response to my mail immediately with your full personal information, telephone number so that I can call and speak with you on the telephone, I will be going to the church prayer warriors meeting after sending you this message to you please do call me with this number (+Deleted phone number in case someone really stupid reads this and thinks it’s real) immediately to confirm your sincere willingness to assist me out of this investment in your country.
Sali, your name sounds like an ocean wave crashing in to the front of a building during a bad storm and there are dead fish everywhere. It’s beautiful. I want to help you oh so very much, but you understand that with all the fake emails send by hairy men in Nigeria, I need to confirm you are indeed the sultry funk monkey that you sound in your beautiful email. Please send me your photo, but to confirm that it is you, please hold up a sign saying “I love Sy from WTHD”. WTHD is the abbreviation from where I live, as I dont want to confuse you. It is a beautiful quiet area and I know you will feel at home…even though the gun crime is through the roof and I got molested by a fox a few days ago. But the treatment is responding well, and I hope in time that the rash will go and we can be lovers. Pack condoms!All my love forever, Sy.
“Sali” replied. Amazingly! The return mail, again a beast of a mail too long to put here contained this snippet:
Honestly Sir, I have suffered enough since my parent died don’t even have money to take care of my self, no father, no mother, no brother, no sister then went to the bank to withdraw money out from the account then the bank foreign remittance department director sited me down in his office after going through those documents. He said that my mother deposited the fund in a suspense account in there bank because it’s a big Hug amount that she wanted to transfer overseas she made a comment that no body will withdraw anything out from the account here in Africa unless it transferred to a foreign account before I will get access to the fund The bank people knows my mother very well, they told me that mine mother was one of their best customer here in Africa.
I attached my picture with this message with the writing said I LOVE SY FROM WTHD with black bic, just get back to me with your full information’s and confirm on how and which investments are you going to invest with this fund as soon as I trusted you and infirm the bank to make the transfer to your account.
The money is in a “suspense” account? So everytime you go to an ATM, it goes “duuum be dum dum…duuuuuum de dum dum…DUUUUUM!” or what? And it is a big Hug amount? So much that if you dont want a cuddle at the end of seeing it, you are maybe a little dead inside?
The photo was indeed attached. It was quite scary. Her “bic” pen and handwriting look just like an overtype on the PC. She is indeed a vixen of love and has me under her spell. So here is the pic he…erm…she sent:
Look REALLY close and you can see the “I love Sy from WTHD”part below her elbow. And the other scribbled crap? I have NO idea what that is. But I have to say, she doesnt look like she lost a parent and has no cash. Looks like my luck is in here!
So I am going to reply again, coz the guy has no brains to see I am taking the piss…so please…comments. What would you like added in to the reply?
17 responses so far ↓
1 Luke
// Mar 25, 2009 at 1:47 am
I think a third email is sufficiant to ask for multiple ‘signed’ photographs.
2 Marla
// Mar 25, 2009 at 2:42 am
Haha. Funny story that I can’t believe I’m going to admit- My uncle (who apparently is much dumber than I realized) fell for one of these Nigerian scams in the last month.
He’s going through a divorce and had been talking to a chick over the internet that wanted to come to the USA to visit him. I’m not sure what she promised him, but he sent over $4000 to her… (I’m cracking up imagining a fat, hairy man talking dirty to my desperate uncle.) He’s lost the money and the “lady” is still begging for more money, promising that she’ll pay him back if it’s the last thing she ever does.
Apparently, some people still fall for this crap. It’s ridiculous.
Marla’s last blog post..My Grandma
3 Claire-Anne
// Mar 25, 2009 at 4:38 am
I laugh muchly. I think you should start talking about marriage. I mean, she is a 20 year old young lady in Africa. Wouldn’t she want a free green pass to the USA?
4 bettyl
// Mar 25, 2009 at 9:38 am
Ask her if she’s willing to dress up like a naught nurse for you and send a pic to prove it!
bettyl’s last blog post..Mar24/09 Bumper Stickers
5 Flying Saucer Jones
// Mar 25, 2009 at 9:52 am
Hey, wait a minute. She sent me the same e-mail. I think there’s something odd here. I thought I was the only one. Sob. Well that’s it. I’m calling the whole thing off.
Dear Sali,
I want my bic back.
Flying Saucer Jones’s last blog post..What Year Is It Again? Which Country?
6 MOB
// Mar 25, 2009 at 9:56 am
Send her some Immac instead.
MOB’s last blog post..Legs Akimbo LIL – the PAP test Queen….
7 michael
// Mar 25, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I had a wonderful time playing this once, insist that you are coming to Africa to get ‘her’. You work for Blackwater and will bring some buddies with you, If she notices a tall man with one eye she should hide in a church…Oh. I’ve got to do this again myself.
8 Sy
// Mar 25, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Excellent stuff! Some very nice ideas there. I shall draft up my email tonight and see what the gorgeous “Sali” says.
9 let’s start drinking « go have fun // Mar 26, 2009 at 4:36 am
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10 Kelly
// Mar 26, 2009 at 5:51 am
Hey, I feel sorry for her, too. Poor girl. Could you ask for nude pictures of her, swallowing a banana?
Kelly’s last blog post..Strange Occurrences
11 G.
// Mar 26, 2009 at 11:18 am
Woof!
Whatever you got going in you warped little imagination, is OK by me.
The merefact that you got her to send you a pic, again lays testament that your linguistic skills are matched by no one.
Not even a politician.
G.’s last blog post..Dirty Knees
12 michael
// Mar 26, 2009 at 1:45 pm
We should pay homage to the Master
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IQqd17p9_0
Now I’m feeling sympathy for the Nigerians…maybe they need Scammer Training Services, we’re not that expensive, send your sister as downpayment.
13 Tiggy
// Mar 26, 2009 at 5:29 pm
You really should clarify whether she has any legs. Maybe she’s just a torso. Or a mermaid? Or some kind of reptilian?
Tiggy’s last blog post..Guest Poster – Eddie McMayonnaise On Modern Art!
14 Sy
// Mar 26, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Ah man, that youtube vid is awesome. I am now gonna have to raise my game on this scammer. Make the most of their willingness to do anything!
15 Mrs T
// Mar 26, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Master Sy,
I think you should send a picture of a really, gross picture of a man saying it’s you – someone like John Prescott for example – and ask her to write love poetry to you …or maybe even some sexy talk…..you know cos you can’t trust her with your details till you’re sure of her undying love…maybe you could request that the poem contains certain words like WD40 or nipples…..
Hilarious! keep up the good work!
Mrs T’s last blog post..Voice Recognition Programmes II (Judgement Day)
16 Simply Ridiculous
// Mar 29, 2009 at 4:30 am
Great post! If there are a lot more guys like you, there will be a lot less spam to deal with!!
Simply Ridiculous’s last blog post..You’ve Got Spam!!
17 JayWebb
// Mar 29, 2009 at 4:14 pm
The third reply should be an agreement, but should be stated, “I’ll get back to you as soon as I am able, but since I’m being held in prison during my court ruling on whether I ‘offed’ my last business partner, I only get 1 hour of email every 24 hours. But I’m really excited about this opportunity! Please send more pictures and your permanent mailing address….”
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