As I have enough material to write either one very long post (and I know you get bored easily…) or two shorter posts (you still get bored, but you get to leave quicker…and it saves me having to write another post in a few days), I have gone for the two post lazy option.

Same rules as always apply.  The words in the ” ” are quotes found in the list of keywords used in Google to find this site.  The rest…that’s just me being rude/obnoxious/sexy/awesome…delete as appropriate. 

Dear Sy:  Where can I find an “elephant ejaculating video”

Uncle Sy Says: Why?  Is this one of those self hating things you have going on and just feel the need to feel inferior or what?

Dear Sy:  What are good “excuses get out swimming”

Uncle Sy Says:  You could tell your teacher you have syphilis.  It will make you so popular with your classmates!  Failing that, chop off your foot and wave it at your teacher and tell him you have a nasty cut.

Dear Sy:  Is it wrong that I enjoy the feeling of a “fish sucking my penis”

Uncle Sy Says:  Honestly?  Yes.  But then, if your goldfish is able to get it’s mouth around you, enjoying it is the least of your worries you freak.

Dear Sy:  “is there a spell to bring back your lost hamster?”

Uncle Sy Says:  According to the prophecy, you have to burn all of your money and change your name to Hinkleberry.  After 28 days, the hamster will return.  Good luck…Hink.

Dear Sy:  I think you should “read more books”

Uncle Sy Says:  I think you should sod off you patronising git.

Dear Sy:  I dream of you “sucking on my nipple, playing with it”

Uncle Sy Says:  Well that’s awfully nice of you to say Steve, but honestly…I am never gonna go there.

Dear Sy:  “i’m more of a man than you’ll ever be and more of a woman than you’ll ever have”

Uncle Sy Says:  So you are a hermaphrodite then?  That’s great for you.   Now.  Go f*$% yourself….as you can.

Dear Sy: I wish I could play with a “bassett hound penis”

Uncle Sy Says:  I know the pain in which you feel.  I once asked the owner of said hound if I could, but all I got was a court order, a black eye and had to move house after the slur campaign raged against me.

Dear Sy: You are such a “beast sucking fool”

Uncle Sy Says:  Dammit…I have been found out.  Fine, I own up to it.  But are you sure you didn’t mean breast sucking fool?

Dear Sy:  I think “camels are ugly”

Uncle Sy Says:  I think you look like an albino chimpanzee…but you don’t see my mocking you do you.  Blondie.

Dear Sy:  “can a woman swim faster naked or with a bodysuit”

Uncle Sy Says:  Interesting.  A serious question finally.  Could one of my female readers (preferably good looking, awesome figure etc) try this for me, and record themselves doing it?  Send me the video and I will have a damn good look at it to find out.

Dear Sy:  “can alcohol make you hallucinate”

Uncle Sy Says:  Oh hell yes.  The other night I was so drunk I actually saw my feet…which is never gonna happen over my fat gut.

Dear Sy:  “can being a veggie make your dick small”

Uncle Sy Says:  Looking for excuses are we?  Peewee.  But seriously, it’s all about the meat isn’t it?

Dear Sy:  “can master bait get your pennis bigger without pulls”

Uncle Sy Says:  I contacted this Master Bait you mentioned and he said no.  He is not willing to help you anymore and to just get over it.  He then said I should call you a small penised idiot and not talk to you anymore….so that’s it.  Don’t bug me again.

© 2009, Sy. All rights reserved.