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I have given you a bag of crap. Be happy!

April 18th, 2009 · 4 Comments

Do you remember when you were a kid (or maybe you are still?) and you went to a party and got given a party bag at the end?  It was almost always the same.  You would get a whistle, a chewy sweet and maybe one of those bottles where you take out the lid and blow in to it and bubbles go everywhere. 

Actually, they were supposed to but I always managed to find myself drinking the contents of the bottle  and then I turned in to a bubble machine, but boy…the bubbles were not coming out of the expected place.  I couldn’t sit down because I would slide off of the chair.  It was fun.  You know, in a “Why does god hate me” kinda fun way.

But regardless of my failings, party bags were fun.  Of course, there were always those who wished to take it further.  Beat the previous bags effort.  Do something a little “different”. 

Well, if you feel the need to find one to beat, can I suggest a trip to Paris.  Maybe to the Paris-Vincennes trotting track.  Their party bag which was shown as an advance sample recently, is a:

 Red velveteen jewellery-style box with a leaflet featuring a horse dropping on a red silk cushion. “When champions grow so do our plants” is the tag line.

They are kidding right?  I mean really…they are giving away a jewellery box of horse crap?  And not only that, it is

high-end, 100 percent natural, guaranteed non-genetically modified, French-origin

Non-genetically modified French origin poop?  So are they saying that this is pure crap rather than an old car tyre that has been changed to make it look like crap?  That’s good to know, coz you know there is nothing worse than wanting a handful of crap but instead someone gives you a McDonalds instead.  Oohhh..sorry, same thing.  I should have used a different analogy there.  No, using the word analogy is not an unusual word for me, it is just fitting that in a post about crap that it starts with anal.

They have decided that this is a great way to get rid of the 20 kilos of crap produced daily by each horse.  Or another way of wording it is “This is what we think of you…merry bloody easter you horse crap smelling dumbwit.”

I am a little curious though.  Just how big is this jewellry-box of crap that they are giving away?  Is it big enough to help grow things in your garden?  Coz you know, that’s a BIG bag.  At the end of the day will there be thousands of people carrying huge bags of  horsecrap to their cars while mentioning what a splendid day they have had and cant wait to get there hands dirty?

You can read all about the crap HERE or another way to look at is you just read this post.  Same thing, different site.

© 2009, Sy. All rights reserved.

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Tags: General Madness

4 responses so far ↓

  • 1 KellyNo Gravatar // Apr 19, 2009 at 5:44 am

    When you mentioned “leaflet” and “when champions grow, so do our plants”, thought you were talking about weed in the grab bag, man. Then I reread it.

    Also, there are some who would really like that horse crap, dude. You, for instance, could make yourself a sophisticated and super fine hat with it and proudly walk the streets of your fair city.

    Kelly’s last blog post..Ashton Kutcher Wins The Big Twitter Battle

  • 2 Flying Saucer JonesNo Gravatar // Apr 19, 2009 at 10:55 am

    Nice analysis. Any analgesics found in the samples? I wonder if anyone will use the box to grow shiitakes. And…nope, that’s all I got.

    Flying Saucer Jones’s last blog post..I Don’t Like Cricket. I Love It.

  • 3 Mrs TNo Gravatar // Apr 19, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    God, I feel old. I don’t remember having party bags – it’s a modern phenonemum isn’t it? One that gets on my wick actually – I don’t do them; I buy the kids a proper gift – like a drinks cannister or something useful and that isn’t going to fill them with additives….

    Maybe next time I could do a similar thing though. With 3 cats I’ve got plenty of ready made “manure”. And now that I’m in my “Save the World” mode I can fully justify it to all the mums and dads……..

    Okay, maybe not… but what about sausages on sticks?

    Mrs T’s last blog post..Experimenting with writing.

  • 4 Phil T McNastyNo Gravatar // Apr 20, 2009 at 12:51 am

    When I google “sausage penis”, it takes me to this site. When I google “raccoon sex”, it takes me to this site. When I good “horse crap”, it takes me to this site.

    I may as well just bookmark this blog, cuz somehow the internet gods are bringing me back here.

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