Continuing from the last post about Travis the challenged SatNav….
Yes, poor Travis the SatNav with a female voice was not only confused vocally, (s)he was also as damned hormonal as you can get.
I am confident that when they created him, they took as much sarcasm and cynicism as they could and plonked it in to the delicious sounding if not a little (and by a little, I mean imagine you have a half pint glass, and now fill it with a pint of beer. Overflowing? You betcha!) hormonal Heather. And then gave her a penis.
OK, as I said, I have not actually SEEN said interesting package, but for my navigation needs, he needed to be a he. Maybe he is actually a butch her? I dunno. Although technically, I don’t care either way!
It seems that Travis has issues with you not following his directions. An example of this is that I was sitting still in a car park. Travis wanted me to move, but I wasn’t ready. So his response?
TurnLeftTurnLeftTurnLeft. No break between words, it was a forceful “DO IT! DO IT NOW BEFORE I STICK MY BOOT IN YOUR EAR!” message. And then he went silent and wouldn’t talk anymore.
I wasn’t impressed with his attitude. I told him to sod off. He ignored me even more.
Another example is that I drove down a road and decided that I would go somewhere else. I didn’t bother turning Trav off, I just changed direction and went where I wanted to.
Holy hell! It was like I had crawled in to his underwear and licked his belly button and spat the belly button fluff back at him. I do honestly think he was getting annoyed with me! Using his sexiest voice (s)he told me to turn around.
Make a U-Turn. Turn Right Now. Turn Right Now. Turn Right Now. Turn Right Now. Make a U-Turn and finally said in the most sarcastic voice I have ever heard “When it is convenient, turn around”.
No please, just a voice that said “I detest you for making me do this, and then ignoring me”. Strangely I think all of my ex girlfriends have used the same voice at some point in time with me.
Of course, talking of making the earth move (was I?) it is worth mentioning how annoyed Travis got when I got the car to fly. While driving around tiny little country roads, THIShappened. No, really. It did. And I am confident that I went over a large bump in the road at that exact second (Coz it surely wasn’t me driving excessively fast on small roads!) and the car pretty much took off.
Travis, thinking that I was about to send him back to the satellite from which he came, actually apologised. Well, I think he did. He said “Beware”. I am assuming that he was thinking about the need for a space suit to get to the satellite rather than that I was now going faster than the speed limit.
Either way, Travis has a lot of explaining to do, and I will be installing the HRT patch on him in the coming days to get him sorted out.
In other news, it seems no one was interested in me doing the video of the dolphin and penguin in squidgy juice action…so…well, I won’t! Saves me the effort of doing it I guess!
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6 responses so far ↓
1 Luke
// May 7, 2009 at 3:26 pm
I wanted to make my car fly once, but flux capacitors are so far and few between i couldn’t go forward in time and get the flying engine. Heather/Travis sounds like my ex-girlfriend, except cooler because he/she knows how to direct.
Luke’s last blog post..A Final Thought
2 Flying Saucer Jones
// May 8, 2009 at 12:24 am
But, but, I wanted to see the dolphin and the penguin doing the squidgy. (By the penguin, I mean the flightless avian not the DC comics arch villain.)
Flying Saucer Jones’s last blog post..I Hope the Water Forgets This
3 Sy
// May 8, 2009 at 8:03 am
@Luke – Try eBay. There is a section under “novelty” because they arent aware of the awesome potential of the flux capacitor so you can get opne for pretty much nothing…and a hefty delivery charge.
Do you want to borrow Travis/Heather and try to rekindle that once fun relationship? She certainly knows how to direct!
@Mr Jones – No can do I am afraid! No one said they wanted it, and it was a 1 time event due to me having some spare time to do it which is a lot harder for the foreseeable future! I think we need to get the 170 odd RSS subscribers to start commenting more!
I did the experiment once and it was a success…although given the right tools, it could have been either penguin!
4 bettyl
// May 8, 2009 at 9:21 am
Hmmm… have you had your hearing checked lately? I think we should hear your wife’s version!
bettyl’s last blog post..Confusion
5 Mrs T
// May 8, 2009 at 11:32 am
I need a hormone patch too – Mr T never follows my directions no matter how explicit I am. When I say “Turn Right” he always goes straight on and when I say “Turn left” he goes straight on too. No idea about corners obviously.
Mrs T’s last blog post..Reasons Why I Love being a Mum
6 Luke
// May 8, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I’ll have a look on eBay, that should work well, on the other hand your trans gender satnav is probably better off in your hands getting you lost.
Luke’s last blog post..A Final Thought
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