In something you read everyday in the highbrow newspapers, a woman in Ghana married her dog because she said it reminded her of her late father. I would question why he is late, but it will end up being a witch hunt about his watch being on a different time zone or something. But regardless…
She is quoted as spouting:
For so long, I’ve been praying for a life partner who will have all the qualities of my dad. My dad was kind, faithful, and loyal to my mum, and he never let her down. I’ve been in relationships with so many men here in Togo, and they are all the same – skirt-chasers and cheaters. My dog is kind, and loyal to me and he treats me with so much respect.
That is all well and good, but the last time I looked, a dog is also something that humps your leg repeatedly, steals food from your plate, drags itself along the floor to scratch it’s arse and then buries things in the garden while slobbering in your shoes. It tries to escape constantly and will sleep with any other dog it sees. It also hates cats, postmen and the name Humphrey.
So. Qualities that she wants in a husband…because they remind her of her father?
If as a kid, my Dad was to spend his days dry humping my friends legs, I would be questioning anyone marrying him…and lets not even go there with the whole “why isn’t he in prison” thing. There is more chance of me marrying a statue of a sausage sandwich than a someone that reminded me of one of my parents.
But really. Has she not worked this out? It’s a dog. A friggin DOG! Why not marry a newspaper instead? It’s informative, and rather than scratch it’s own arse on the carpet, she could use it to clean hers in the event of a failure in the stocking of toilet roll.
I asked my wife why she married me. She said it is because she wanted to marry someone that reminded her of her worst nightmares. I should also mention that I have also on occasion tried to dry hump her leg like a dog, but have never quite managed it because I always seemed to finish before I got near her leg, but I guess that is something I need to work on. But weirdly, she does ask me to bark once in a while. But then, she also tells me to shut up. So I am not sure where she is going with that. Or me for that matter.
But back to the mad dog marrying nutter. What will the kids look like? As much as I am confident that I am not half dog, I still like my ears being played with and I have a tail. OK, so it is on the wrong side, but it’s still a tail, and it does wag when I get excited. But what will hers come out like?
I am taking a wild guess on “Completely bloody nuts”, which means that when they grow up, they will be just like their mother.
Should you feel the need to read about the happy litter couple, then head HERE. Don’t feel you have to. You already know it is about a woman who marries a dog. Even the ending is the same.
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18 responses so far ↓
1 Flying Saucer Jones
// Jul 12, 2009 at 4:22 am
The sex would probably be crap and afterwards the dog would just roll over and play dead. So many questions: would the kids have to beg for their food? would they carry microchips? would they chase cats and the postman?
2 Sy
// Jul 12, 2009 at 4:28 am
It isnt only dogs that roll over and play dead after sex!
I can imagine the kids would open the door to the postman and then attack him. It could make getting parcels delivered an issue!
3 curious_girl
// Jul 13, 2009 at 11:20 am
gosh… is it that hard to get a guy these days?
4 Sy
// Jul 13, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Having never actually tried to get a guy…erm…yeah, OK! Although for me I guess it is…I like my men to be female with girlie fun bits…and only those post ops blokes have them, which isnt really what I am in to.
5 Phil T McNasty
// Jul 15, 2009 at 9:47 pm
The sex won’t be crap, it will be non-existent. Hell, if I could lay around all day licking my balls, I’m pretty sure I would pretty content being by myself.
6 Sy
// Jul 16, 2009 at 12:10 pm
That is true. But then, I went for tongue lengthening treatment to aid in my attempts to do so, but it didnt work so well. Sure it reaches my stomach now, but it has as much strength in it as a low alcohol beer.
7 Tiggy
// Jul 16, 2009 at 6:38 pm
Men are a lot like dogs – they don’t come when called, cost a fortune to feed, and leave piss stains all over the carpet.
Tiggy´s last blog ..Little Tiggy and the Stars
8 Bunny Boiler
// Jul 16, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Face it, who else would marry the bitch?
Bunny Boiler´s last blog ..Rocking The Boat
9 Tami
// Jul 18, 2009 at 4:45 am
LOL! Reminded her of her late father? hahahaha
Tami´s last blog ..Campaign ‘Recession 101′. Don’t waste a recession.
10 Mrs T
// Jul 18, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Whay stop at a dog? I’d marry a elephant if I had the chance. No particular reason. I just kinda like Jumbos.
So, we’e doing well in The Ashes Sy! Don’t mention it to the Saucer he may get depression:)
Mrs T´s last blog ..The Last Day of Freedom!
11 Suburban Psychosis
// Jul 18, 2009 at 9:34 pm
My dog keeps crapping on the driveway…who wants a husband that does that?
Suburban Psychosis´s last blog ..
12 Flying Saucer Jones
// Jul 19, 2009 at 2:56 am
Too late Mrs T. The Saucer is flabbergasted at the bunch of people masquerading as Aussie cricketers. Now where’s my calming medicine?
13 Mrs T
// Jul 19, 2009 at 6:13 am
Tee hee hee. I always enjoy it when a man has to eat his own words. Even more so when he’s an Aussie!
Mrs T´s last blog ..You Don’t Always Need A Name
14 Mikiye Creations
// Jul 22, 2009 at 4:29 am
…and once again reading your blog I am reminded of all the delightful and insightful information I have been missing!!!
Mikiye Creations´s last blog ..Billowy Organza
15 Rachel
// Jul 22, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Haha, I didn’t notice before, but this was written on my birthday! So, on my birthday, as I was at the beach, you were writing about a woman marrying her dog… It’s weird when you consider everything that’s happening at the same time. xD
16 Sy
// Jul 22, 2009 at 11:36 pm
@Tiggy – That is why I have a wooden floor! Stops the wife moaning at me!
@Ms Boiler – Well if a guy “thought” he was a dog, that might work out for them. I mean, he would be as insane as she would!
@Mrs T – It’s all about trunk size with you women isnt it!
@Suburban Psy..Psc…Syc… – At least the dog is using the driveway and not your pillow. You know, unless it works…but I am guessing, maybe even praying, that it doesnt.
@Mr Jones – I wont even mention the cricket. Well, maybe a little..
@Mikiye – Hey you! A long time no see! You see what you miss when you are gone?! The world needed to know about this woman!
@Rachel – Hmmm…sooo…you got to go to the beach and I had to sit down and write this post. I see the similarities here. You were at the beach, and I wasnt…which makes me want to drown myself. It’s all so similar! But happy belated birthday anyway! How many is it now?
17 sss
// Jul 23, 2009 at 12:24 am
women r selfish they want a bloke they can tell sit, rollover, screw me whenever they want
18 Rachel
// Jul 24, 2009 at 2:20 am
Aw, thanks Sy(: Please don’t drown yourself, coz then I wouldn’t be able to read you insanely amusing posts! And that’s… *counts* 14 now! =)
Rachel´s last blog ..DeviantSurvivor Team Jark Color Claim
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