About 37 days ago, I came up with this awesome idea to give myself 8 weeks to go from super sloth to get fit enough to run 10K in well under 50 minutes. A feat that to the average runner is almost the bread and butter running. To me, someone who hasn’t run for years…it’s now 18 days away and I have this phrase that keeps going around in my head. It goes “What the hell are you doing you idiot!”.
Honestly…I know it is for charity (it’s not too late to sponsor me you know! The money goes straight to the charity website, not to me…you know…just in case you dont think I am trustworthy) but holy hell I hurt!
I have these stupid moments of “inspiration” in my life quite often. They are full of these awesome ideas. Past failures have included:
The “I should grow my hair long!” idea. Within 8 weeks, I looked like a shaggy dog, I smelt of I don’t know what…yeah OK, washing it might have helped…and got a verbal warning at work because I was suddenly the amorous attention of the police dogs who should have been sniffing for bombs. Instead, I generally lived with one humping my leg and the other ferociously sniffing my crotch.
or…
The “I should decorate the house! All of it!” idea. I didn’t like the look of the house before. Now I spend as much time out of it as I can. Don’t turn on the kettle whatever you do. That will tip the balance of power from keeping it together to burning the whole house down. The wood flooring is damaged from the spurs on my cowboy boots. There is also paint EVERYWHERE. Even the walls and rooms I didn’t paint somehow have paint splashes in them.
So with just those two examples in my mind, just what part of me thought that Mr Fat Dude could train hard enough to A) Lose the weight I need to be able to stop the earth shaking and B) Actually run without changing the center of gravity of the earth?
Exactly.
But nope, I went and did it. I paid £18 and signed up, people have sponsored me (did I mention you still can? Email me! It’s for cancer research. They have gone through the pain, I am going through the pain of training…lets put a little pain on your wallet!) and I have been training 6 days a week for the last 5 weeks.
So what I want to know is this… Why do fit people do this? WHY!? I have aches in places that I don’t even have muscles. My knee is the size of a large onion (I mean one of those that you see in the newspaper next to the proud farmer who fed it steroids for a few months and is now the size of my ego) and being an onion, it is making my eyes water.
I have young idiots in cars driving past beeping the horn on their silly little cars that they think they look good in and then they shout out “fnaar gniihf thrroooff”. Granted, that is just about the level of their intellect, so I cant really expect them to string a load of words together that make sense.
So to try to get fit, or to stay fit, you have to hurt physically, deal with retards in cars and on the street and spray Deep Freeze spray WAY too close to the little guy. I honestly think I froze my left testicle the other day. He went numb for a good while…not that I was constantly playing with him to find out or anything, but he stopped responding when I was talking to him. I considered spraying deep heat on to see if I could defrost the little guy, but realised I was on a hiding to nothing with even thinking the idea.
So if any of you two people left that actually read this little corner of the Internet (the last post got an astounding zero comments. I am one of the readers…who are you other reader?!) are one of those fitness types, email me. Lets talk. I need to call you names and get you to talk me out of any further training.
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14 responses so far ↓
1 Greg Molyneux
// Sep 16, 2009 at 4:28 pm
While I’d hardly call myself a fitness type I have been working out intensely for the last three months. It has been a modest cardo routine mixed with an aggressive weight lifting regiment.
Sy, I know exactly what you mean about the pain and misery. It’s bad enough that I want to throw up during my workouts, but it is even worse when I want to tear my knees apart the next day.
I keep thinking that the pain will subside, but it never does.
Greg Molyneux´s last blog ..The Future from a Child’s Eye
2 Sy
// Sep 16, 2009 at 7:33 pm
I hear ya. It hurts like hell at the moment. My right knee (an old wound…I broke my kneecap in half when I was 13) is so swollen. It’s a case of working through the pain or not work at all really. I think after the race, I will be taking a week off. Sitting down doing nothing at all and see how it goes!
But hey, it’s all fun. Not. And at 2am this morning I will be going out for a run. What else are night shifts for!?
3 curious_girl
// Sep 17, 2009 at 5:55 am
really? nobody commented on your last post? oh my. but I’m sure tons of people are like me that just lurk around and read your posts for 10mins but couldn’t be bothered to comment.
So here I am- commenting. You might want to blame the RSS feed directly inserted in my inbox, its not conducive to commenting.
curious_girl´s last blog ..Restaurant City garden
4 Mrs T
// Sep 17, 2009 at 10:47 am
I am convinced fit people are stupid. Why else would you put yourself through such agony when you could be oggling Baywatch? Okay, I like the muscle definition but working out so you want to vomit is not my idea of fun:)
Now seriously, did you grow long hair Sy?? Really? Boy, just the idea has me in stitiches…
I’ve just about recovered from my latest car incident -unfortunately the depression lasts longer each time. Especially when the bill arrives:( Still 6 incidents in about 18 months IS pretty bad luck…..
No comments? Well Mrs T is back! The blogosphere is pretty quiet at the moment – guess it’s still the holiday thing. Unless everyone else has also reversed into some bastard blocking access to their driveway:))
Mrs T´s last blog ..Always on my mind…
5 Sy
// Sep 17, 2009 at 9:30 pm
@Curious Girl – Yup, 200 readers by feed…thus they dont come to the site! Feeds are a great idea, while killing the idea of having a clue how often people are interested in reading the site!
@Mrs T – Ummm…me with long hair? Well…I wont say. You can guess. As for Baywatch, mmmmm…!! Thats a show I used to concentrate on very hard when I had the house to myself as a younger man (boy).
So. Destroyed anymore cars recently?
6 Mrs T
// Sep 17, 2009 at 9:45 pm
No – although there was another dratted car park parked opposite my house today. I’m not saying I was full of rage but face turned green and my blouse split in two. I was dangeorusly close to just ramming my car into it and obliterating it into a thousand tiny pieces.
I think the menopause thing is getting closer.
Mrs T´s last blog ..Dancing with Heavenly Stars
7 Sy
// Sep 17, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Another one? Paint double yellow lines on the road!
Have you got that reversing sensor yet?
Now, this turning green and splitting your blouse… Green? You turn in to an angry gardener or what?
8 app103
// Sep 18, 2009 at 11:23 pm
About 10 years ago I gave up on the idea that I was ever going to be able to regain my status as a potential roller derby queen.
What brought me to my senses was when I walked past the house I grew up in, which was halfway up a rather steep hill, and realized that I was the most insane being on the planet to ever have skated up and down that hill every day.
I am lucky to be alive! That is one killer hill. I am surprised I was able to fly down it and come to a stop before I ended up out in traffic.
I could see the headlines: Insane lady trying to recapture her youth gets hit by bus.
Nope, not going to happen like that. Skates in the trash.
Now if I could just bring myself to getting rid of the bicycle.
app103´s last blog ..Forget getting more Twitter followers, here’s how to keep the ones you have
9 Sy
// Sep 19, 2009 at 3:01 am
I think you should give it a go. Get back on the skates, and take some photos of that hill, and then some action shots of you steaming down that hill!
It’s weird how you look at something you did ten years ago, and then realise there is not a hope in hell that you could do it now! Although when I think back ten years, I dont think I could have done it then either! I must buy myself some skates, and see how good I look!
10 app103
// Sep 19, 2009 at 4:43 am
Oh hell no! That’s the kind of hill you ski down in winter. In fact, when there was a bad snow storm in 1976 and nobody could drive (took 2 days to dig out your car) the fire chief that lived a few doors down did just that. He slapped on his skis and went down the hill to work, right to the fire house at the bottom.
When I showed my daughter that hill and told her that her mom used to skate up & down it, she was shocked that anyone would be crazy enough to try that, nevermind her mom.
Then I told her about the other “daredevil” things I did, like squeezing between the pillars and walking the ledge around the library. It’s actually much higher than it looks and the rear of the building is about a 3 story drop.
app103´s last blog ..Forget getting more Twitter followers, here’s how to keep the ones you have
11 Sy
// Sep 19, 2009 at 7:15 pm
So are you planning on making your daughter carry you from now on? You could live vicariously through her by making her do all the things that you used to do!
I am trying to think of some fo the daredevil things I did as a kid. So far, I can think of nothing. Not that I had a boring childhood, I just get the idea I took a few too many blows to the head from falling out of things, so my memory is WAY out there now!
12 app103
// Sep 20, 2009 at 10:07 am
The only reason why I told her about the crazy stuff was because I knew it was safe. There was no way “Little Miss Granny” was going to try any of it.
Born with a wisdom well beyond her years, she’s 23 now and more sensible & mature than most old people I know. (compared to her, I am still a reckless kid)
app103´s last blog ..A brief guide to the Enchanted Island game on Facebook
13 Sy
// Sep 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm
I think the reckless kid thing suits you! I can imagine you in another 30 years donning your wonder woman outfit and going out and doing all the crazy again! I know I plan to get a second wind when I am old enough to know better!
14 app103
// Sep 24, 2009 at 6:16 pm
I just thought of a friend’s dad…eighty-something years old and totally out of his mind.
Police had to fetch him off of the local bridge in the middle of the night.
He climbed up there with a bucket of lilac paint and was in the process of painting the bridge.
Seems at some point he developed an obsession for lilac paint and painting various things in the neighborhood….the bridge, the neighbor’s garage door, street signs, trees, and an ashtray on someone’s porch. (they were lucky he only painted their ashtray and not their whole porch)
I guess at that age you don’t really have to be out of your mind to get away with it…just make people think you are. And the older you get, the easier that is to do.
But with my luck, my daughter would send me off to the home if I ever put on a Wonder Woman outfit at the age of 73. I wouldn’t get a chance to do anything crazy while wearing it. And I can’t rely on there being an old geeks home with an internet connection and a pc in every room, so I might not want to do that.
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