The makers of Viagra (I can hear the filtering service for the people that receive this post by email working overtime) are working on a cream to replace the familiar little blue tablet.  Did I say familiar? And blue?  And little?  I mean “to replace what they use now. ” Is it a tablet?  I don’t know! Stop looking at me.

What next?  Headache tablets replaced by smashing a rock in to your foot to displace the pain?  Jamming a spoon in your eye to cure an itchy butt crack?  I mean think about it.  A guy…alone with the little general and the girl he wants to have sex with…and some cream.  And he has to rub cream on himself in order to get an erection.  Gee.  What genius came up with that idea. 

I would place money on the cream being a placebo.  And a bloody good one at that considering how much the tablets cost!  Which…erm…I guess is a lot?  I don’t know…I mean, when I paid for that prostitute the other week it cost me less than it does for my prescription.  Not that I could do anything about it.  I had forgotten to fill my prescription, let alone my pants.

You know, I feel I have already said too much.  And you are all so judgemental when it comes to stuff like this.  How would you feel if you couldn’t get an erection because when you were 12, you jammed the little guy in a draw because you felt dirty after taping all the naughty bits from late night TV and watching them back on the tape labelled “All Football…No Prawn” so your parents wouldn’t see it and know what you were doing.  Things weren’t the same after I slammed that draw shut in anger.  The people I work with think my nickname of “Limpy” is because I have a bad knee at the moment so walk a little weird.

But back to the news story, as I feel I digressed maybe a little too much there, and think if I don’t manage to win you back, no one is going to come back to a site written by a depraved Englishman who really needs to learn when to say less. 

So they have a cream.  This cream apparently works quicker than the tablet because:

“The response time to the nanoparticles was very short, just a few minutes, which is basically what people want in an erectile dysfunction medication.”In both rats and humans, it can take 30 minutes to one hour for oral erectile dysfunction medications to take effect.”

Does anyone else here wonder what a horny rat with an erection looks like?  And when they are examining said rat, is the rat thinking “What the hell did I take!  This human is the best sex I ever had!”?

And the tablets, unlike the cream can be dangerous because:

In addition, men with severe heart problems, or who have just suffered a stroke, are advised to avoid the tablets altogether or use them with extreme caution.

So if a guy has just had a stroke…why the hell is he going to be needing to take a tablet?  Oh is his recovery time just reeeeeally bad? 

Now the bad news for those of you thinking “eh up…this is something I could use!” is… It would take well over 10 years for it to be available.  They have lots of testing to do.  But the good news is that (and I haven’t tried this, it just makes sense. *ahem*) there is already stuff on the market you can use.  It is called Johnsons baby oil.  Get that out, smear it all over the little guy, or get the lady to do it for you…and well, you do the math.  Exactly.

For those of you who are interested…for whatever reason you may have for knowing http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8263307.stm

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