It is quite a sad news story to be honest. They want to cull Elephants in South Africa because there are too many of them. This is understandable. Africa is just a small island after all (once you take away the whole “it is huge with wide empty spaces” bit. There are also too many homeless people in England. Should we cull them too? And sick people! Yeah, lets create a master race!
But they have decided that they should look in to contraceptives for Elephants. What a great idea. What next I wonder?
Just how do you put a contraceptive on an elephant anyway? I for one have no urge to walk up to a randy elephant and say “Hey there big guy. Mind if I just slip this bin-liner on you?” This is for 2 reasons. 1 – Elephants are not going to enjoy the act of stopping to put on a condom. 2 – The idea of getting that close to a randy elephant scares the living hell out of me. What if he is one of those elephants with premature ejaculation? If I want a shower, I will take one in the bathroom. With water. And soap. Yes I know every bloke has used the line “it is good for your skin!” at some point or another, but this is an elephant we are talking about! A person could drown!
Or do you give the contraception to the female elephant? I cannot see her wanting to take a pill everyday. At the same time. Day in day out. She doesn’t even have a watch to start with. So not only do you have to teach them to take a pill everyday, you have to buy them a watch and teach them to tell the time! And to use those hoofing great feet of theirs to open a foil packet to get a pill out! Where do they store them too? They don’t have a handbag.
They seriously have not thought this out! But I would like to see the person who decided it is OK to cull them being the one to put the condom on the elephant. To test it out so to speak. Oh, and make sure the human is dressed in a girl elephant costume. And spray that person with female elephant pheromones. And lock them in a cage. And point a video camera at the cage so I can watch, point and laugh at the result.
Is it time to cull the stupid people instead of sending them to the overpopulated stupid island?
Oh. And in the same new story is the line:
“And he said culling – an option which will become available from 1 May – was only being adopted after consultation “with all shades of opinion”.”
All shades of opinion? I dunno. Is that a racist remark? I honestly don’t know how to take that!
The image is of an elephant condom. My Google search history is frankly scary to look at!!
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