This post is best read while imagining beaker from The Muppets is talking. Well, meeping. Thinking about it, the following clip is more like what I hear and see when I think about the following people!
In the last 45 minutes, all I have heard is people moaning. The thing is, all I am watching is the news channel. I also heard about the following, which people moaned that police resources were used for.
Police were called after a person saw a UFO hovering across a mountain. It was a bright stationary object. Before I give you the link to the answer, can you guess how many big bright round still objects you see in the night sky? Apparently the person wasn’t under the influence of alcohol or drugs. I do believe they were under the influence of being a complete idiot. If you haven’t guessed the answer yet, it is HERE. This person is giving the human race a bad name. Of course, in the same story it mentions that someone rang the emergency services because they wanted a pound coin for a supermarket trolley. Or my favourite of someone wanting help to vote with some future one hit wonder on X-Factor. I am hoping that they sent the police round to that person and removed the TV from the house under the obscene TV act which I just thought up. Part 1 of the obscene TV act is that anyone watching shows like that will have their TV removed, and then given electric shock treatment via the genitals, power supplied by a nuclear reaction, and a naughty giggling male dwarf dressed in a nice off the shoulder evening dress pulling the lever.
Anyway. Back to the moaners (which I guess includes me as I am moaning about them!).
Someone wrote to the BBC because a game at Wimbledon over ran and the news was 15 minutes late. Like most countries, we have 24 hour news channels. But a news bulletin on a normal TV channel was late, and the end of the world is nigh! Actually, a lot of people moaned that sports “are taking over the tv channels”. They then went to watch the same BS soaps they watch eeeeeevery damn day, seven days a week and never saw the irony of their statement. (On a serious note, people with autism require a routine. The same routine. Day after day. Perhaps a little more testing is required on the general public) For this, I have decided that part 2 of the obscene TV act is necessary. For this, they will be forced to watch 12 days of different TV shows. No repeats, or soaps. They will be forced to watch some original TV programmes, be it sports or a documentary on the toilet habits of the “ubby gubby gom gom tribe” in Alaska. It will be pure hell for them. But they deserve it. Much like I deserve to win the lottery.
I swear, when I was listening to them moaning, all I heard was Beaker going “Meep mee mee me meep”. The next thing I heard was a “thud thud thud” noise as my head hit the desk continuously at listening to them moaning.
I am quite the self opinionated little <insert whatever word you decide on>, aren’t I!
So I have decided that the already overpopulated stupid island is to get some new occupants. The occupants already living it up in the stupid lane can be seen HERE, HERE and even HERE.
© 2008, Sy. All rights reserved.
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13 responses so far ↓
1 Qelqoth
// Jul 5, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I happen to live near the South Wales valleys and sadly, people there really are like that. Most of them are just burnt out from inbreeding and rugby. But even so…the moon mistaken for a UFO?! That’s hysterical, it really is.
2 The Cult of Qelqoth » Blog Archive » Article // Jul 5, 2008 at 2:38 pm
[...] particularly allegations of stupidity. The most scathing of all came from independent weblog, Wheel Turning, Hamster Dead who issued its readers with the following [...]
3 Sy
// Jul 5, 2008 at 3:05 pm
When I read it I had a “is the date of the story the 1st April?” moment, and then realised that as you say, inbreeding has become an addiction worse then heroin. I read once about a girl who rang 999 5 times to get a lift home as she didnt have money for a taxi!
4 Qelqoth
// Jul 5, 2008 at 3:09 pm
That is sad. Didn’t she know that starting a fight over a doner kebab with curry and mint sauce takes far less time?
5 Sy
// Jul 5, 2008 at 3:40 pm
And they give you a bed for the night and a cup of coffee if you get thirsty….apparently.
6 Carime
// Jul 5, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Enjoyed your Blog… Keep up the moaning with The dead Hamster moan.
7 Static
// Jul 7, 2008 at 2:00 am
The world is a sad place when Beaker has more IQ points than the average idiot inhabiting stupid island… and it’s not just an island anymore, oh no.
It’s taken over several continents now… it’s just a matter of time before the stupid has infected everyone, everywhere.
It’s the stupid gene. The stupid multiply like rabbits. Too long have we suffered in silence under the tyranny of idiocy. Darwinism just won’t do. It’s time to fight back.
From now on all stupid people will be rounded up and quarantined and sequentially packed into rocketships by the hundreds and sent to inhabit the MOON (where they can eventually fuck that up too). The myth about the ‘man in the moon’ shall then be fact and will be synonymous with stupid!
Well it seemed like a brilliant idea until I wrote it all out…
8 Qelqoth
// Jul 7, 2008 at 8:55 am
“It’s the stupid gene. The stupid multiply like rabbits. Too long have we suffered in silence under the tyranny of idiocy.”
I blame The Duke of Edinburgh.
9 Tamera
// Jul 7, 2008 at 9:33 pm
heheheh.
10 Sy
// Jul 8, 2008 at 10:21 am
@Static – I dunno…Beaker is a pretty top guy. He talks in a language far advanced from us mere mortals. A guy I once worked with told me “Sadly, even ugly people are allowed to have sex”. The same has happened to the stupids. But the stupids have the extra added ability to never use contraception due to the severe inability to think like a normal person, and thus spread like a virus. Rather then overpopulate the moon, I hear there is a very nice storm cloud on jupiter that we could put them on.
11 Sy
// Jul 8, 2008 at 2:51 pm
@Carime – I completely missed your comment, which is rude of me! Hello and welcome!
12 Static
// Jul 9, 2008 at 5:05 am
@Sy – I think that storm cloud on jupiter is too good for their company.
Instead a non-descript asteroid bound for a super nova might do better?
13 Sy
// Jul 9, 2008 at 4:06 pm
I guess we could always stick them in one place and then every 75 years we can stick them on Halleys comet. That could work well! We can see how well they are getting on every time it comes back for the next shipment!
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