Wow. I have completed a huge FIVE posts this month. Craziness. I need to slow down before you are all overloaded with amusing posts. *cough* So on with number six. Calm yourselves!
Not sure where this post will take me. I have no plans at all for it, but I have some time between changing nappies and being vomited on, so I figure I should add another tasty morsel to the site. I hope you have no sense of taste though, as this morsel could be about as bland as it gets! My advice? Add salt. And MSG.
If you are MSG intolerant, I recommend adding it anyway, as you will get to kill the time running to the toilet. Chances are that you will find it more amusing!!
Now. After the cow beauty pageant in the last post, I then read about a nun beauty pageant. But then the religious dude thing man type fellow decided to withdraw it after the snotty higher religious dudes type blokes said it was not tasteful. Not tasteful? Come on. You would have the “Habit round” where they all show off their habits. And then the…erm…habit round. Where they show off the spare habit that they have. I wouldn’t make a habit of watching this to be honest.
Holy hell. “I wouldn’t make a habit of watching this”?? Geez. What is this site coming to!
Anyway. A nun pageant. Never going to work. The bikini round wont happen, they don’t have udders like the cow beauty pageant and well…Nun’s…you just don’t look at them that way. Something about that God bloke. Not sure. I am not religious. But either way, I don’t see it happening.
Now a beauty pageant involving pygmies. THAT is the way forward. Points for size would be order of the day. And on a short read up, it seems that people eat them, so points for flavour too. They could have a bikini round, and I am pretty sure they all want world peace, so will pass the interview round with flying colours.
Of course, it could be a lot worse. According to THIS news story,
A 90-year-old woman saw her dreams come true when she was served fish and chips by a man dressed only in a thong and a see-through apron.
Now, fortunately there are no pictures, but the very happy old lady was quoted as saying
“I thoroughly enjoyed my fish and chips served by the half naked man.”
Half naked? He had just a thong on! Or maybe he was a pygmy and so the thong really was half the size of his body? And did lots of old women clap, say “oooohh….loook!” like your excited Nan and then go and play bingo after the event? Or maybe the 90 year old was so happy, this became her last meal. I wonder what would have happened if she had ordered the sausage?
Maracas, Denzel Washington, Parsnip, Budgerigar “Dick Zoltie”, “Damp Patch”, “Smoky Bacon”, “The Whisky A Go Go”, “That’ll Leave a Mark” (I should mention that these words were not of my creation, but a very good friend threw them at me)
Or just give me your own! The weirder the better otherwise you will get a story about a sheep called Raymond who lives in switzerland or something. That just is not going to be fun. And remember…I am below par intelligence, so no words too difficult please.
on 
10 responses so far ↓
1 Bree Ahmed
// Aug 28, 2008 at 4:26 am
In-laws. In-laws. In-laws. And parents.
Crazy enough ?! (NOOO. I couldn’t help it!) Haha.
2 darri
// Aug 28, 2008 at 6:08 am
You’ve got midgets on your mind. Perhaps the man was especially well-endowed and, therefore, truly half-naked in the thong.
3 Sy
// Aug 28, 2008 at 6:11 am
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Ah man, see I don’t need an image like that in my head. I am going to bed shortly, and if I dream about that stuff, I am going to be less than impressed!
I feel ill.
4 Georgie B
// Aug 28, 2008 at 11:47 am
That little story of yours was awesome! It made no sense whatsoever. :]
Seriously, I’m very impressed that you were able to hack that out in fifteen minutes.
You do have talent, that’s for sure.
Now on to a phrase. I had this up im my work cubicle for a number of years: “I’m suffering from Self-Inflicted Stupidity Syndrome”.
5 Tamera
// Aug 28, 2008 at 2:17 pm
No midgets!!!!
6 Sy
// Aug 28, 2008 at 3:07 pm
@Georgie B – No sense? It made complete sense! You just have to really empty your mind of any sanity and it all shines through. Although I believe it is not so difficult to do if you have even half a brain, so I see where you are going with that! But yeah, it was a fun post to write. Didn’t even have to think about it. I love posts like that. Freeflowing and done in no time and back to supping on a beer.
I shall add that phrase to the list!
@Tamera – No midgets? Are you midgetest? There are indeed midgets! Ooooh…you meant….
7 Sy
// Aug 28, 2008 at 3:08 pm
@Bree – For some reason, your last 4 comments ended up in the automatic spam filter. I have unfiltered! Now…do you reeeeeally want a story about parents…I could offend a LOT of people!! ;o)
8 Georgie B
// Aug 28, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Mad you are, completely mad!
9 Sy
// Aug 28, 2008 at 10:49 pm
It’s the oooonly way I can make it through the day!
10 The Movie Whore
// Aug 29, 2008 at 4:31 am
Supercalifragilisticexpialidotious for starters followed by a “gentlemen start your engines” and just tyo make things interesting a “Speaking of salsa, where is my hamster?”
I bet you were praying I would no show this post. Nice to see you are sharing the joys of fatherhood.
One thing though. While you may be able to change your kid, you may find to change another child may make you dry heave.
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